


A Really Shitty GC

by cacao_oasis



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Group chat, M/M, Multi, haechan is a creep, jaehyun thinks he's american, kinda ??? offensive if u squint, nct 127 and ten, nct dream will b here eventually, nobody understands what sicheng is saying, ten is a hoe, this entire story is a mess, this will prob get better prob not
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-12-06 10:38:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 30,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11598912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cacao_oasis/pseuds/cacao_oasis
Summary: for some dumbass reason Taeyong decided to make a gc that nobody wanted or needed





	1. Where Is My Corn?

**Author's Note:**

> tai1 - Taeil  
> younghoe - Johnny  
> callmeT - Taeyong  
> thiccta - Yuta  
> bunny - Doyoung  
> 123456789ten - Ten  
> jeff97 - Jaehyun  
> dingdong - Winwin  
> mark - Mark  
> renjun00 - Renjun  
> jush - Jeno  
> haechie^_^ - Haechan  
> jaemie^_^ - Jaemin  
> shangbye - Chenle  
> lil_skeet - Jisung
> 
> hi so we made this for fun but people actually wanted to read this shit so all 3 of us made this acc so we could post this hell  
> follow us on insta if u want lmao  
> @saintsuho  
> @chenitals  
> @cacao.oasis  
> @weyounq

**callmeT started a group conversation**

**callmeT:** Hi everyone

 **dingdong:** hi grandma *happy emojis*

 **callmeT:** Please don’t call me that ever again

 **dingdong:** *farmer emoji*

 **callmeT:** You don’t have to use asterisks

 **jeff97:** ayo wassup skrrt skrrt

 **tai1:** Leave

 **jeff97:** rude

 **thiccta:** yes my love what you wanted to say?

 **123456789Ten:** why

 **callmeT:** Why what?

 **123456789ten:** this gc why

 **callmeT:** Family bonding

 **bunny:** Can you stop texting me while I’m at work

 **mark:** this family can choke

 **tai1:** Why are you at work it’s Saturday

 **thiccta:** we left osaka a month ago, why are you still at work?

 **bunny:** Some 1 has 2 work to support this family

 **jeff97:** why didnt u take me to Osaka

 **tai1:** No one likes you

 **thiccta:** you Are fat american there was no space on Aero Plane

 **jeff97:** ill bomb u again s2g

 **younghoe:** hi

 **123456789ten:** hello daddy

 **dingdong:** please mine jeff please no Make bomb

 **jeff97:** cherry bomb haha skeet

 **callmeT:** Someone teach Sicheng Korean

 **haechie^_^:** Hello I am doing Great today thanks you for asking

 **jeff97:** i only speak American

 **mark:** @ haechie^_^ love u

 **tai1:** Why are there infants in the chat

 **callmeT:** They’re part of the family

 **123456789ten:** sadly

**bunny has left the conversation**

**tai1 has added bunny to the conversation**

**bunny:** Plz i will get kicked off of inki if i get another notif

 **callmeT:** There’s a do not disturb option

 **bunny:** Fuck off i have a samsung

 **younghoe:** EW

 **mark:** minecraft quality pictures headass

 **bunny:** My minecraft house has more structure than your upbringing

 **mark:** you raised me so

 **bunny:** <3

 **tai1:** Don’t leave

 **bunny:** I wont leave u my love but i hate these kids sometimes

 **tai1:** I do too.

 **jeff97:** racist

 **dingdong:** happy colombian independence day

 **jeff97:** hahahahaaa love u 2 bae @dingdong

 **thiccta:** lmao 7/20 super blaze it Ha Ha am i right?

 **jeff97:** @thiccta stop it. Get some help.

 **thiccta:** @jeff97 shut up or im joining jyp with my friends

 **callmeT:** I love you Yuta

 **thiccta:** i love U Oslo

 **younghoe:** is sicheng high or really dumb

 **jeff97:** how dare u attack the king of china

 **123456789ten:** @thiccta pls go join jyp

 **tai1:** Sicheng isn’t the king of anything

 **thiccta:** @123456789ten only with u My best friend U can join Got Seven and I join Twice?

 **mark:** gotta Kris

**mark has left the conversation**

**123456789ten:** Join EXP

 **bunny:** Can someone order dingdong some corn bc he keeps texting me about corn

**callmeT has added mark to the conversation**

**callmeT named the conversation “Family”**

**mark:** dammit

 **jeff97:** winwinnie do u want corn

 **dingdong:** me please

 **jeff97:** what

 **thiccta:** ioi jyp

 **dingdong:** finally where is my Corn

 **dingdong:** i am very very very very very very very hungry

 **mark:** eat some of yutas chin he has plenty

 **tai1:** You’re legit 19 get food yourself

 **bunny:** Please help my son someone

 **jeff97:** ur not his daddy i am

 **dingdong:** no i am the dad

 **jeff97:** sounds fake but ok

 **123456789ten:** i thought Taeyong was the mom where tf did doyoung come from and pls go back

 **haechie^_^:** so why mom made this Group ?

 **bunny:** Fuck off Bambam @123456789ten

 **tai1:** If you knew how to read you would know he made it for “family bonding”

 **123456789ten:** fuck off walmart brand Suho @bunny

 **bunny:** Wow

 **123456789ten:**  mwah saragne

 **mark:** this a whole mess

 **thiccta:** where did fattie go?

 **younghoe:** your face is a mess xD

 **thiccta:** found him

 **younghoe:** Ok

 **mark:** rawr xD headass stfu

 **dingdong:** i miss JaeHyun when he was fat

 **jeff97:** but im hot now right

 **dingdong:** who is

 **jeff97:** me. Jeffrey. Jung Jaehyun. Ur manz.

 **dingdong:** lol sorry i forgot

**jeff97 has removed dingdong from the conversation**

**bunny has added dingdong to the conversation**

**bunny:** Now u just crossed the line never speak to me or my son ever again

 **jeff97:** im offended

 **mark:** u dont have kids if we were ur kids we’d b ugly asf

 **tai1:** Please don’t tell me that fat ass american is our child

 **thiccta:** dont talk about johnny like that only I get 2.

 **younghoe:** wow

 **jeff97:** im not even fat anymore

 **bunny:** No Honey our child is winwinnie

 **tai1:** Thank god

 **123456789ten:** yuta u best watch yourself

 **thiccta:** shut up eleven

 **123456789ten:** shut up crimson chin

 **thiccta:** wow How original

 **123456789ten:** if only ur chin looked original

 **haechie^_^:** (´・ω・`)

 **mark:** invented emoticons

 **tai1:** Ew the infants are back

 **dingdong:** who is back? SHINee’s back thank u Haechie for nice pretty face i send to someone special soon

 **dingdong:** (´・ω・`)

 **jeff97:** am i the special person

 **dingdong:** no

**jeff97 has removed dingdong from the conversation**

**callmeT:** STOP REMOVING PEOPLE THIS IS A FAMILY

**callmeT has added dingdong to the conversation**

**dingdong has left the conversation**

**jeff97:** i thought u loved me

**bunny has added dingdong to the conversation**


	2. Are We Allow To Beat Our Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a roastfest between this dysfunctional family

**123456789ten:** so since we cant get along

 **123456789ten:**  why dont we just let all our anger out for like an hour

 **thiccta:**  now u know winwin can’t count that high

 **jeff97:**  what did u say abt my mans crimson chin u look like a fuckihfgb traffic cone

 **thiccta:**  watch out i am the Hyung you are the Not hyung

 **jeff97:**  wow u just destroyed me

 **dingdong:**  please not be mean to me Teen

 **123456789ten:**  learn how to spell and maybe i wont

 **bunny:**  Wow the irony

 **thiccta:**  who invited Nine anyway

 **123456789ten:**  go away uterus

 **haechie^_^:**  -cracks knuckles-

 **haechie^_^:**  dont get me started Twelve

 **mark:**  o shit

 **tai1:** Stop trying to act tough it doesn’t suit you

 **haechie^_^:**  shut up long neck stiff nose

 **haechie^_^:**  i know where u live

**tai1 has removed haechie^_^ from the conversation**

**bunny:**  Don’t add him back

 **123456789ten:** duh dumbass we all live together

**mark has added haechie^_^ to the conversation**

**tai1:**  Do you want to die Mark

 **mark:**  since im in 3 different fucking units, yes

**bunny has removed mark from the conversation**

**bunny:**  That little shit doesn’t listen

 **123456789ten:**  arent u supposed to be at work

 **bunny:**  Aren’t u supposed to be in nct

 **bunny:**  Oh wait where did u go

 **younghoe:**  bruh

 **123456789ten:**  Johnny hold my flower (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿

 **younghoe:**  ok ✿＼(｡-_-｡)

 **123456789ten:**  why tf r u even here ur voice sounds like a fucking rat u look like the great value brand Junmyeon ugly ass bunny headass

 **dingdong:**  wow

 **bunny:**  Don’t make me take away ur allowance i work TOO hard for this family to deserve this Kind of direspect

 **123456789ten:**  ur acting like hit the stage didnt happen im fine w money go choke

 **thiccta:**  did some1 say choke?

 **thiccta:** taeyong can go choke

 **jeff97:** arent u dating taeyong

 **callmeT:**  ):

 **123456789ten:**  smh doyoung out here actin like he isnt the worst vocalist out of all of us

**bunny has left the conversation**

**dingdong:** daddy why

 **jeff97:**  wym i didnt do anything

 **dingdong:**  not u cute fattie

 **jeff97:**  the emotion im feeling rn is so ????

 **dingdong:**  how do u pronounce “????” im still learn

 **jeff97:**  uhhHhhhhhhHHhhh skrrt

 **dingdong:**  thank u sweetie

**dingdong has left the conversation**

**thiccta:** what is this Mess?

 **jeff97:**  what why did winnie leave

**haechie^_^ has added mark, bunny, and dingdong to the conversation**

**mark:**  love u

 **haechie^_^:** u 2  <3 my favorite

 **dingdong:**  singapore

 **jeff97:**  why did u leave me

 **dingdong:**  2 see what life is like on the other side

 **dingdong:**  dont worry i lov u

 **jeff97:**  -happy skrrt-

 **dingdong:**  where is grandma

 **bunny:**  Grandma taeyong is working don’t worry my son

 **123456789ten:**  Taeyongs voice makes me want to eat glass

**callmeT:**

****

**123456789ten:** i cant believe you just sent that

 **dingdong:**  grandma is short ha ha so believe it is easy

**123456789ten:**

****

**thiccta:** wtf is that? i hope it chokes

 **callmeT:**  Alright

 **123456789ten:**  take me to cacao oasis daddy T

**callmeT:**

****

**callmeT:**  (:

 **haechie^_^:** i miss fx amber looked so good there

 **callmeT:** LMAO

 **123456789ten:**  wow all i wanted was to know what cacao oasis is and you treat me like this

 **dingdong:**  cacao talk is how i talk 2 my hyung Jae Hyun love him

 **jeff97:**  lmao send nudes

**dingdong:** my fat baby my 包子

 **jeff97:**  hahahaha woah eye knee to u too

 **dingdong:** corn

 **jeff97:** ok

 **123456789ten:**  @callmeT die

 **callmeT:** I’ll never die

 **mark:**  @thiccta kill him

 **callmeT:** Don’t encourage him

 **thiccta:**  u just wait until we get home

 **callmeT:** Can I crash with you @tai1 for the night

 **tai1:** No

 **bunny:** That’s my boy u tell him baby

 **123456789ten:** u can crash w me ;)

 **thiccta:**  u can crash on my face i mean come home please

 **thiccta:** does any1 need anything else from grocery store？

 **jeff97:**  i think winwinnie wants corn

 **dingdong:** did some1 say corn

 **younghoe:**  pizza

 **thiccta:**  shut up fat fuck

 **123456789ten:** a knife so i can kill taeyong

 **thiccta:**  use ur pointy nose

 **123456789ten:**  u have no room to talk every time taeyong sits on ur face ur chin gives him a new asshole

 **callmeT:**  He ain’t wrong….

 **mark:** holy shit

 **tai1:** Don’t swear infant

 **mark:**  holy crud

 **bunny:**  Are we allowed to beat our children

 **tai1:** What the fuck

 **123456789ten:**  im not even in 127 im safe

 **bunny:** We left Thailand 2 months ago where r u i miss u

 **123456789ten:**  thats not whats important rn

 **tai1:** Why do you miss him

 **bunny:** He’s cute and fun 2 work with, u wouldnt know

 **123456789ten:**  “work” ;)

 **bunny:** Wow please don’t compromise my marriage

 **tai1:** Ok

 **jeff97:** we r supposed to be roasting each other but we got ten trying to slob on everyone, the infants are missing ?? sicheng wants corn and doyoung and taeil r apparently married wtf

 **thiccta:** thank u Mr. Wikipedia

 **jeff97:**  stfu ww2

 **thiccta:** youre not even american shut up u commie fag

 **jeff97:**  then how was i a foreign swagger hm

 **thiccta:**  if u want to be considered a member of a group with a fat american and a gas station brand Chanyeol be my guest

 **mark:**  is the traffic cone talking shit abt me

 **haechie^_^:**  i can hold u flower if u want

 **dingdong:**  where are my dad

 **jeff97:**  im here

 **dingdong:**  ha ha ur so cuteness

 **123456789ten:** ^^^ Taeyong cant relate

 **callmeT:** Ok

 **callmeT:** Did yuta ever go to the grocery store

 **thiccta:** im still here im lost in the spice aisle

 **callmeT:** I’m lost in your eyes bro

 **thiccta:**  wow i love u ill give u something 2 choke on tonight

 **jeff97:** im lost in the SAUCE YEET

 **younghoe:** stfu jeff

 **jeff97:** johnny where did u even come from

 **younghoe:** chicago bruh xD

 **123456789ten:** johnathan i missed u

 **bunny:** Why did ten just text me that there were centipedes in my vagina

 **123456789ten:**  im looking out for u

 **tai1:**  Noted

 **123456789ten:** Taeyong u have stank dick

 **callmeT:**  help me yuta

 **123456789ten:**  im talkin absolutely filthy dick rn u need to get urself evaluated

 **dingdong:**  A P P A

 **thiccta:** what 2 u need my love

 **callmeT:** ten bullies me

 **123456789ten:**  take it like a man

 **123456789ten:**  ;)

 **dingdong:**  take what

 **dingdong:**  a nice walk ??

 **123456789ten:** sure ;))))))

 **thiccta:**  wow so many chin just like fat american

 **mark:**  u literally have no room to talk yuta

 **thiccta:**  then you have no reason to be in this family

**thiccta has removed mark from the conversation**


	3. Stuck in the Bathub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> title explains everything

**bunny:** Which one of u dumb fucks hid my concealer give it back

 **jeff97:** prob haechan hes the pretty one

 **bunny:** Where are u @haechie^_^

 **haechie^_^:** im at the upstairs bathroom

 **bunny:** Doing what...

 **dingdong:** did some1 steal my corn

 **123456789ten:** uhhhhHhhhh,,,,,,,no

 **123456789ten:** bet it was taeyongs fatass

 **dingdong:** how does an ass steal my corn are u messing with me ten

 **callmeT:** Why do you assume it was me

 **123456789ten:** bc ur a fatass and u cook a lot

 **thiccta:** listen、every1 needs to stop stealing

 **thiccta:** now i admit my people the Glorious Japan may have steal Taiwan but is was in the past

 **jeff97:** lmao i bombed u

 **thiccta:** just u watch out cute American 4 what is coming ur way.

 **jeff97:** is it gonna be ur chin flying towards me at 80 mph

 **thiccta:** they dont call my chin Nakamoto Kamikaze 4 nothing

 **jeff97:** disgusting

 **123456789ten:** i could have lived 70 more years without seeing that

 **thiccta:** good thing u saw it then

 **123456789ten:** @thiccta die

**dingdong:** A P P A come help me im stuck in bath tub

**jeff97:** how

**dingdong:** not u 

**jeff97:** im offended

**thiccta:** listen here 10 dont make me invade u 2

**123456789ten:** listen here uterus if u tried to invade me ur chin will be in Chiang mai while ur body is still in Bangkok

**thiccta:** ill give u something 2 Bang ;))) Kok

**123456789ten:** ;)

**bunny:** Calm down children where is Mark I haven’t seen him in days

**bunny added mark to the conversation**

****

**bunny:** Maybe that’s why

**bunny:** Mark where have you been I’ve been worried sick

**younghoe:** would it taste good if i put a sour gummy bear inside my hawaiian roll

**tai1:** What the fuck are you on about

**mark:** ww2 kicked me out

**bunny:** I still never figured out who stole my concealer 

**tai1:** I’ll buy you a new one

**bunny:** I love you hyung

**tai1:** I don’t  
****

**bunny:** wow


	4. Haechan Gets a Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a big miss steak

**bunny:** Where is the annoying brother

**mark:** r u talking shit

**bunny:** Not you cutie I mean Haechie

**mark:** :D

**haechie^_^:**

****

**haechie^_^:** lol i tried 2 parallel park

**jeff97:** how do u mess up that badly and when did u even get a car

**haechie^_^:** lol i found it in the parking lot 

**123456789ten:** ,,,,,,so u stole a car u straight pulled a GTA

**haechie^_^:** ha ha i guess there is first time 4 everything

**mark:** ily but what the fuck

**tai1:** Whose car is that?

**jeff97:** ^^^ fr u arent allowed to leave the sm building so ????

**bunny:** Does someone have my car I’m stranded at work 

**123456789ten:** ,,,,,,,,,,,uh

**bunny:** Can someone come pick me up please

**dingdong:** i want u pick me up pickmepikcppicpickme m up

**thiccta:** shut up ding dong bing bong 

**haechie^_^:** lol i dont got a lisence but i drive any ways

**123456789ten:** thats illegal

**haechie^_^:** lol u should have seen what i did last week

**callmeT:** What did you do

**haechie^_^:**

**haechie^_^:** lol i accidentally did a thing idk if anyone was in it shit was fun af tho

**callmeT:** WHOSE HOUSE IS THAT

**haechie^_^:** i think u mean whose house WAS that 

**mark:** thats hot

**jeff97:** ur grounded

**haechie^_^:** lol if u can Catch me fattie 

**jeff97:** im not even fat tf

**tai1:** You are

**dingdong:** lov my fat babby

**jeff97:** i-

**bunny:** Hey not that I’m still stuck at work or anything...

**123456789ten:** sounds like a personal problem

**mark:** i dont have a car

**jeff97:** im too offended to drive rn

**dingdong:** sorry babby、 my lov is fat 4 u 2

**jeff97:** woah eye knee  <3

**tai1:** Explain

**callmeT:** Lol

**123456789ten:** thats hot

**callmeT:** Thanks

**thiccta:** listen i know u like summon demons but nothing will stop u from choking

**123456789ten:** can he choke me

**thiccta:** i guess、、、、、、i give persimmon for him do that

**123456789ten:** amazing

**younghoe:** what did i miss

**bunny:** Johnny have you been smoking again

**younghoe:** no 

**tai1:** Donghyuck crashed my man’s car

**bunny:** Wait that was MY car??? 

**mark:** dont say donghyuck it makes me think of goofy

**tai1:** I say what I want

**123456789ten:** wait guys goofy is the only disney character that had sex he has a son what if he was like yes hyuck right there

**thiccta:** i’ll make u say yes hyuckㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

**bunny:** I work too hard as a father for this disrespect

**bunny:** Someone please come pick me up from work they shut the lights off

**jeff97:** car machine broke

**tai1:** I’ll pick you up ;)

**bunny:** Thank you sweetie

**123456789ten:** r u flirting with me yuter

**thiccta:** ha ha only if taeyong give me persimmon

**123456789ten:** ok

**dingdong:** ha ha the ride 2 inkigayo sure is long ass ride 

**mark:** stop

**dingdong:** why do u need grandma to give u persimmon

**thiccta:** shhut up

**123456789ten:** where even is taeyungmoney headass im tryna go to cacao oasis

**bunny:** Speaking of young money when is young money selca day because i stan nicki minaj sunbaenim

**callmeT:** Were you flirting with my mans

**jeff97:** i was gonna pick u up but after that i dont think i want to anymore

**dingdong:** babby

**123456789ten:** i didnt start it wym

**tai1:** Wtf I was going to pick him up

**jeff97:** go ahead after that idek a doyoung is that a type of sauce idk anymore

**haechie^_^:**

**haechie^_^:** lol i think i did something wrong

**callmeT:** You have to pay for the damage of whoever’s car that is

**123456789ten:** why

**123456789ten:** how many fucking cars does this kid have

**haechie^_^:**

**haechie^_^:** lol i tried to tow it home for us

**callmeT:** WHAT

**mark:** why the fuck is there a car in the water why is this happening why am i here why does this gc exist why am i in 3 different units why am i not in canada drinking bagged milk why is this my reality rn

**younghoe:** calm thyself

**haechie^_^:** _minhyung-ssi~_ i got u a present but i think its broke

**mark:** ,,,,,,,,what is it

**haechie^_^:**

**haechie^_^:** its a car but yuta ran into it

**mark has left the conversation**


	5. Doyoung Has Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> doyoung won the lottery apparently

**bunny:** Guys guys guys

 **123456789ten:** tf u want

 **bunny:** I have some exciting news

 **thiccta:** did japan finally get taiwan again

 **jeff97:** is it that sicheng knows how to speak american now

 **dingdong:** bing bong

 **123456789ten:** is taeyong finally gonna take me 2 cacao oasis

 **callmeT:** No

 **tai1:** What’s your exciting news, baby?

 **dingdong:** did u get me corn？？？？

 **jeff97:** ^^^ he rlly wanted corn

 **haechie^_^:** maybe he found the present i left for him in the parking lot

 **bunny:** No, no, no, I think I just won the lottery!

 **123456789ten:** k cool

 **bunny:** Wow try not to sound so excited

 **younghoe:** i love that song

 **jeff97:** lipstick chateau

 **bunny:** Why am I still in this family?

 **tai1:** Because of me

 **bunny:** Of course cutie 사랑해

 **123456789ten:** bc of me

 **123456789ten:** oh

 **bunny:** But anyway, I have some presents for everyone!

 **jeff97:** what is mine

 **123456789ten:** is mine cacao oasis

 **bunny:** No Ten, I got you a one way ticket to shut the fuck up and wait your turn

 **younghoe:** what did u get me

 **bunny:** I bought you some lines

 **bunny:** But onto the important people, Taeil, I got us tickets to go on vacation in Osaka

 **tai1:** Without Yuta, right

 **bunny:** Lol of course

 **thiccta:** watch out dongie i know where u live

 **callmeT:** Did you get tickets for the rest of the family

 **bunny:** Well… I got Winwinie a can of corn, and I got you cough drops… then I ran out of money...

 **dingdong:** 37

 **dingdong:** that was suppose to be a heart

 **callmeT:** Ok

 **bunny:** Love you, mom

 **younghoe:** shut up sicheng

 **jeff97:** can i go to osaka this time

 **bunny:** Do you have money to go to Osaka?

 **bunny:** I didn’t think so

 **mark:** can i leave and go back to canada

 **bunny:** Please

 **jeff97:** money machine broke

 **123456789ten:** u guys r fucking rude

 **bunny:** Why can’t I hit my kids?

 **123456789ten:** u can spank me

 **bunny:** Fuck off Bambam

 **123456789ten:** what did i ever do to u

 **bunny:** It’s what you haven’t done ;)

 **bunny:** I mean what I am a loyal boyfriend

 **123456789ten:** meet me in the parking lot at 5 ;)

 **jeff97:** did doyoung ever leave inki r u still stranded

 **bunny:** I’m still here, my phone’s on 13% someone come help

 **bunny:** I think I found Haechan’s car while I was walking out of the studio

**bunny:**

**123456789ten:** how

 **haechie^_^:** lol oops

 **thiccta:**  car machine broke

 **jeff97:** disappointed but not surprised

 **bunny:** 12% someone come pick me up

 **dingdong:** i want u pick me up

 **123456789ten:** u just won the lottery buy a fucking charger dumbass

 **bunny:** Listen here, Sorn, I’ve had enough of you

 **123456789ten:** no u havent

 **bunny:** Haha you’re right I’ve barely had any ;)

 **haechie^_^:** discusting

 **123456789ten:** ;)

 **jeff97:** wild

 **123456789ten:** get a taxi and come over ;)

 **bunny:** Wtf I’m not poor why would I get in a taxi

 **tai1:** No we’re not having that, I’ll pick you up

 **jeff97:** wheres mark


	6. who is my daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whomst'd'tve is it

**younghoe:** wanna fucc

**123456789ten:** excuse me

**dingdong:** excuse me cuse me babby cuse me cuse me

**younghoe:** wanna fuqq

**123456789ten:** where have u been johnny u told me u were going to walmart 5 years ago to get doritos and never came back

**bunny:** Calm down guys I don’t want any nieces or nephews

**bunny:** Keep it in your pants please

**123456789ten:** but u want me right

**bunny:** No I don’t want a boy, I need a man

**dingdong:** click clack bada bing babadook

**jeff97:** WHAT

**123456789ten:** wow that just made my babadussy dry out thanks for that

**thiccta:** *says something in Japanese*

**dingdong:** wow

**jeff97:** i dont speak ww2 sorry

**dingdong:** sorry sorry sorry sorry

**younghoe:**  USA

**bunny:** I can’t see your emojis, fucking Samsung

**123456789ten:** sounds like a personal problem

**bunny:** I’ll give you a personal problem ;)

**younghoe:** well now you have enough money to upgrade to an iphone from a calculator

**tai1:** No

**bunny:** True… I could buy an iPhone, and some Gucci while I’m at it

**dingdong:** and i feel like gucci

**bunny:** Just kidding why would I waste my money on stupid things like that

**123456789ten:** r u flirting with me doYUNG

**tai1:** No

**bunny:** ^

**123456789ten:** u wan sum fuc

**younghoe:** yes

**haechie^_^:** vulgar

**123456789ten:** ommya

**jeff97:** again where is mark

**bunny:** Who cares

**callmeT added mark to the conversation**

**mark:** what did i miss

**mark:** nvm i dont want to know

**younghoe:** american boyz only xD

**thiccta:** shut up fattie

**mark** : im canadian

**younghoe:** die utah

**jeff97:** america gANG skrrt skrrt

**dingdong:** why r u wearing a skirt my fattie

**jeff97:** im not wearing a skirt

**jeff97:** unless u want me to

**dingdong:** yes please ventilation

**thiccta:** ya u dont want end up like taeyong he have stank dick

**callmeT has left the conversation**

**123456789ten:** i warned him abt his stank dick he didnt listen

**bunny:** Centipedes, in his vagina? More common than you think

**123456789ten:** i hope he left to go to the doctor

**123456789ten:** boy has some RANK dicc

**dingdong has changed name to babadong**

**jeff97:** oh no baby what! Is you doin?

**babadong:** ha ha me 2

**mark:** this conversation makes me want to curb stomp a baby

**thiccta:** id let u curb stomp me but u are 2 young 2 ride this ride

**mark:** i-

**123456789ten:** im not tho

**thiccta:** haha nice try Lisa but u cant get my takoyaki

**123456789ten:** so ud rather have a stank dick

**thiccta:** 2 each his own

**jeff97:** wtf is happening wheres sicheng

**bunny:** Stuck in the bathtub again someone please come upstairs and help

**jeff97:** ill do it how does this keep happening

**bunny:** I think he tried to eat the faucet again

**jeff97:** i-

**babadong:** wait i am not supposed eat it??

**babadong has changed name to dingdong**

**dingdong:** lol i was getting confuse i couldnt remember who i was

**jeff97:** its metal,,,,,,how can you eat it

**dingdong:** china strong

**mark:** wait i have a question

**younghoe:** what is it boi

**mark:** who are our parents

**bunny:** Myself and Taeil, why would you ever question this? We raised you and Haechie

**mark:** i thought taeyong was my dad

**tai1:** Why would i married that

**mark:** no u didnt raise me tf

**haechie^_^:** who is my dad

**tai1:** You have two moms end of discussion

**dingdong:** no i am the dad

**bunny:** Shhhhh, Winwinie

**jeff97:** what but im sichengs daddy tho

**mark:** where is ty track i need to know if he is my dad

**younghoe has added callmeT to the conversation**

**bunny:** Where have you been, our family is in crisis and I’m still at work

**callmeT:** uhhhHhh

**mark:** wait me and haechan cant be related we r dating who are my parents this is a life or death situtation

**haechie^_^:** lol the closer the relationship the closer 2 god

**callmeT has left the conversation**

**mark:** WHOS MY DADDY I NEED TO KNOW

**thiccta:** lol i can be ur daddy in a few days

**dingdong:** no i am the dad

**mark:** WAIT TAEYONG GET UR STANK DICK CRUSTY ASS BACK HERE WE HAVE THE SAME SURNAME U CANT HIDE FROM ME FATHER

**bunny:** Okay, there’s only one way to settle this, we need to get you two tested to find out your real parents

**bunny:** Even though I know it’s me and Taeil

**jeff97:** r u sure about that

**bunny:** Yes I remember the day that we bought them

**bunny:** I mean the day they were born

**tai1:** We got you from goodwill

**bunny:** Yes, the clearance rack, sorry son

**mark:** no i cant b related to haechan this isnt america its not cool here to date ur brother

**bunny:** Ok everyone, family meeting, come downstairs to my new car we’re going to the hospital to get this sorted out for good

**bunny:**

****

**bunny:** Damnit Haechan

**123456789ten:** can i stay home its clearly not me so

**bunny:** No Sorn, you’re coming with

**123456789ten:** why im busy and the kids arent even thai its not me

**bunny:** Ok please clean the kitchen I’ll fill you in when we get back

**thiccta:** i’ll fill u in ;)

**younghoe:** no my weed is in the fridge

**123456789ten:** i dont want to clean this isnt my dorm im not even in 127

**jeff97:** why r u like this johnny


	7. at the hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whomst'd'tve are thine parentals

**bunny has added xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx to the conversation**

**bunny:** Ok great, now all we have to do is wait on the results

**jeff97:** why did ten just text me saying that if i dont reblog this lucky pencil my asshole will become prolapsed

**tai1:** Why are we texting each other when we’re in the same room

**bunny:** Don’t overcomplicate things sweety

**dingdong:** wow this hopspital has big window i can almost jump out

**mark:** can i jump out please

**tai1:** Yes

**bunny:** Please, you don’t even want to be my son

**thiccta:** so many nurse here u would think its a hospital

**mark:** it is a hospital dumbass

**thiccta:** donut take that tone with me i might hav 2 punish u in a few months

**mark:** god no

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx:** Ok Great News Everyone I Have Good News But I Can’t Find All Of You So I Will Text It To You All .

**jeff97:** sounds fake but ok

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx:** So We Are Still Waiting For Hae Chan’s Results But We Can Conclude With 100 Percent Accuracy The Parents Of Mark .

**mark:** whos my daddy

**thiccta:** ;)

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx:** Mark , Your Parents Are Win Win and Jae Hyun , Win Win Is The Dad .

**dingdong:** i told u i am the dad

**jeff97:** what

**dingdong:** lol is very funny we never have sex once

**dingdong:** fattie u r the new virgin mary

**dingdong:** the virgin jeff

**jeff97:** shut up i have some fire dik stroke game one hunned pull out game atrocious

**thiccta:** kind of like my husband ha ha ha

**123456789ten:** ur husband has stank dick and u arent even married

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx:** Ok I Also Have Received News From xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx Concerning The Paternity Of Hae Chan .

**haechan^_^:** lol i already call jeff daddy but i can change xD

**mark:** whoms’td’ve is thine parentals

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx:** The Parents Of Lovely Hae Chan Are Do Young And Tae Il , But Shockingly There Is No Dad , Sorry .

**bunny:** Amazing news, sorry Mark, didn’t want you anyway

**mark:** wow good to know that im loved

**haechie^_^:** can i still call jeff daddy

**haechie^_^:** i love u _Minhyung-ssi~_

**jeff97:** absolutely not

**mark:** incredible

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx:** Ok , Since I Have Solved Your Problems , I Need To Go Bust A Cyst On A Girls’ Generation Member’s Back , Talk To You All Soon .

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx has left the conversation**

**123456789ten:** i wish i never read that

**123456789ten:** can u guys come home now there are centipedes everywhere

**bunny:** I guess you didn’t reblog the lucky pencil quick enough and they all spilled out of your vagina

**123456789ten:** i am a man

**bunny:** Sure, and I don’t slob on knobs in the Inkigayo dressing room for extra cash

**bunny:** I mean what

**123456789ten:** i can prove it ;)

**thiccta:** whoa there Lisa

**123456789ten:** stfu u suck stank dick

**thiccta:** ;)

**haechie^_^:** come down 2 the parking lot i will drive us home


	8. in the driveway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhhhHhhhHh

**bunny:**

****

**haechie^_^:** ok i didn’t mean it guys

**bunny:** We were literally AT the driveway, how did you fuck up so bad?

**haechie^_^:** it wasnt that bad of a ride was it ???

**thiccta:** a little bit rougher than im used to ;-)

**dingdong:** bing bong

**jeff97:** i flew out of the window

**Mark:** there he go

**bunny:** Where are you Jaehyun?

**jeff97:** im on the side of the highway someone come get me 

**bunny:** Great

**bunny:** Now you know how it feels

**bunny:** Call a taxi

**jeff97:**

**jeff97:** with what fucking phone

**younghoe:** how did you take that photo

**bunny:** How are you texting us

**jeff97:** i got 2 phones one for the plug and one for the hoes

**dingdong:** ha ha u call me hoe sometimes

**dingdong** :

**jeff97:** my taxi calling phone broke

**jeff97:** guilty

**dingdong:** love u fattie

**jeff97:** can someone come get me pls its raining

**thiccta:** if u can dance the last part of firetruck in the rain u can walk home in the rain maybe u lose some kilo grams fattie

**dingdong:** sobangcha

**jeff97:** maybe u should lose some of ur chin shits starting to look like Mount Fuji

**dingdong:** fuji apple

**thiccta:** i told u stop make fun of my chin fattie

**bunny:** Can you guys please come inside, the neighbors just asked me why there were people yelling in our driveway

**mark:** understandable have a great day

**bunny:** Shut up, you’re not my son and you never will be

**mark:**  ok


	9. the tentervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ten is a hoe

**tai1 has added callmeT to the conversation**

**callmeT:** I told you I’m not your mom

**mark:** sounds fake but ok

**bunny:** Ten please come out of the refrigerator we have important business to discuss

**123456789ten:** why cant u just come in the fridge with me ;)

**bunny:** Because I never want to see what you can do with an ear of corn ever again

**dingdong:** did someone say corn

**123456789ten:** ok fine what do u want

**bunny:** Myself and the family, we are concerned about…

**bunny:**  How big of a hoe you are

**bunny:** You bring home a new member of Hit The Stage like every week

**123456789ten:** i dont see u complaining when its ur turn

**bunny:** My turn to WHAT? All I do is work and clean I am a good wife, don’t try to paint me as something I am not

**thiccta:** i’ll paint u with something;))))

**thiccta:** my dick

**mark:** sounds fake but ok

**123456789ten:** why r u attacking my lifestyle

**callmeT:** johnny stop smoking the fumes are bad for the children

**younghoe:**  skeet

**123456789ten:** im a hoe and im proud let me live

**bunny:** I’d prefer it if you didn’t live but ok

**123456789ten:** wow i thought we had something

**bunny:** I don’t want anything you have, it’s probably an STD

**123456789ten:** im cleaner than ur attitude rn damn it might not look like it but ya boi going thru a lot rn

**bunny:** Boy please, your ass has had more guys in it than that Chilean Mine Disaster, there’s bound to be something in there

**123456789ten:** ok like u have any room to talk sex with u is like throwing a slim jim down an empty subway terminal

**bunny:** Wow

**bunny:** Wait who is the slim jim and who is the empty subway terminal me or Taeil?

**123456789ten:** no comment

**thiccta:** sex with me is mediocre i rate 6/10

**123456789ten:** ofc ur bouncing on stank dick thats why

**thiccta:** dont talk about taeyong like that

**callmeT:** Why do you hate me so much what have I done to you

**thiccta:** exist

**younghoe:** i need more weed

**dingdong:** hi im in the garden i can pull weeds for u my johnny #2 fattie

**younghoe:** go home

**123456789ten:** u wont take me to cacao oasis thats why i hate u

**callmeT:** I don’t recall saying I would take you in the first place

**dingdong:** kard

**123456789ten:** racist

**123456789ten:** also i havent gotten any cheeks in like a month so idk why ur bringing this up rn

**bunny:** Yeah but what about that one time

**123456789ten:** ???????? there has been multiple times explain

**bunny:** You had like half of the cast of running man over last week 

**123456789ten:** nothing wrong with a good old friendly circle jerk

**bunny and younghoe have left the conversation**

**jeff97:** idek why u tried an intervention this is a lost cause 

**mark:** hi im back from practice what did i miss

**mark:** oh

 

**mark has left the conversation**


	10. chamerica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeff and dingdong bonding moment

**Jeff97 created a group with dingdong**

**dingdong:** why u bring me to this room so dark in here

**jeff97:** wym room we are both sitting on the couch in the living room

**dingdong:** lol i forgot

**dingdong:** i miss u 

**jeff97:** me too woah eye knee

**dingdong:** where is my dad

**jeff97:** im literally right here

**dingdong:** wrong dad

**dingdong:** lets go upstairs yuta is 2 ugly to be next 2

**jeff97:** ok but haechan and mark r up there too

**dingdong:** ya i think haechan said somethg about snapchatting mark that puthy

**dingdong:** but idk what is this means

**jeff97:** disgusting

**dingdong:** where is my bedroom i am lost i want to go home

**jeff97:** we are roomates we are literally in our room right now

**dingdong:** math is hard

**dingdong:** can u go to get my corn out of frige

**jeff97:** why are u gonna do what ten does with corn

**dingdong:** bing bong

**jeff97:** i dont want to go downstairs what if ten is in the fridge again i dont want to have to relive that

**dingdong:** extreminate it 

**dingdong:** no rats in my frige

**jeff97:** that would of been rlly hot if u knew how to spell

**dingdong:** ha ha love u fattie i miss when u was fat

**jeff97:** also um

**jeff97:** why didnt u tell me that we had a fucking son

**dingdong:** i tell u every time i am the dad

**dingdong:** i am the A P P A

**jeff97:** how is it possible for us to have a son the language barrier was too extreme for me to get ur cheeks

**dingdong:** are u go get corn yet


	11. Beach Volleyball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeyoungmoney decides to write sum lyrics

**callmeT:** Do you want to hear the lyrics I wrote today

**tai1:** No

**thiccta:** not really､､､､

**123456789ten:** yes daddy T

**callmeT:** Even though 2 people said no I’ll share them

**haechie^_^:** thank u grandma i love hearing ur stories of the war

**jeff97:** am i in the song bc if not i rlly dont give a skeet

**haechie^_^:** can someone add my brother boyfriend back please

**callmeT:** I love it, love it, love it love it, love it too I’ll throw it, you catch beach volleyball

**callmeT:** What do you think

**thiccta:** i dont really like volleyball the sand gets in my ass 2 often｡

**123456789ten:** thats so ugly no dont write lyrics ever again

**callmeT:** Ok thanks

**tai1 has added mark, bunny, and younghoe to the conversation**

**mark:** what does beach volleyball have to do with this

**bunny:** What is this song even about?

**bunny:** I don’t like it

**callmeT:** You see, it’s a metaphor

**bunny:** Do you even know what a metaphor is? You can’t even wash yourself properly in the shower

**jeff97:** how would u know ^^^

**callmeT:** .

**bunny:** You can literally smell his kimchi dick from the other side of the house

**123456789ten:** he doesnt fucking wash he has stank dick ive been telling u guys this whole time

**bunny:**

**bunny:** Like his hair looks so greasy I bet his pubes look like taco meat

**callmeT:** I didn’t even do my hair that day

**bunny:** We can tell

**123456789ten:** i was chillin in the fridge i started to smell kimchi and i was like ok i guess theres kimchi in the fridge but i looked up and there wasnt and all of the sudden taeyong opens the door and the smell kicked me in the gamssajuji nareul Hate is on me

**thiccta:** thank u 4 making me read that paragraph

**jeff97:** TACO MEAT IM HOLLERING

**mark:** yuta u cant talk did u even see urself in the firetruck mv

**thiccta:** please stop spreading all this vicious homophobia it was a rough time for me｡

**123456789ten:** shut up minion fucker

**jeff97:** lmao guys guess what

**jeff97:** i found out why taeyong is like never in this gc

**123456789ten:** spill the lipton jaehyun what is it

**jeff97:** he has an insta account called @taedong6969

**callmeT:** UhhhHhh that’s not me

**tai1:** Then why is your phone number linked up with it

**123456789ten:** stank dick why do u have instagram someone flood his comments with “kimchi willie”

**callmeT:** Maybe someone has the same number as me

**callmeT:** Lol maybe a fan

**mark:** uh i dont think two ppl can have the same phone number dad

**callmeT:** You never know, son

**bunny:** What the fuck Tae

**123456789ten:** taedong6969 can i get that tattooed on my booty cheeks so that my left cheek is taedong and my right cheek is 6969

**thiccta:** get it tattoed on ur _jush_

**younghoe:** i came up with the user

**jeff97:** sounds accurate

**123456789ten:** wtf is a _jush_

**callmeT:** No one is getting anything tattooed in this house

**jeff97:** uh problem i already have the american flag tattooed across my lower back

**callmeT:** I hope you’re joking come upstairs and show me your back

**jeff97:** um only level 7 or up friends can see my lower back                          

**bunny:** I only have one level 7 friend and he can see my lower back all he wants

**bunny:** It’s Taeil

**123456789ten:** its me

**123456789ten:** oh

**tai1:** Teehee

**mark:** thats gay

**haechie^_^:** so r u

**tai1:** Your parents are gay but ok

**mark** : my only parental is taeyong he asexually reproduced

**younghoe:** r u human taedong

**callmeT:** Lol

**dingdong:** taeyang

**callmeT removed dingdong from the conversation**

**jeff97:** dont be mean taedong6969 he cant spell hes from panda expressland

**bunny:** Panda Express is from America you dumbfuck

**jeff97:** uhhhhhhhHhhh i sungane all stop

**thiccta:** ill all stop 4 u ;)

**jeff97:** absolutely not

**tai1:** ^

**bunny:** Where is my son

**123456789ten:** pickled radish dick kicked him from the convo

**thiccta:** i guess his kkakdugi is some real cockdugi

**bunny removed thiccta from the conversation**

**123456789ten:** so im currently in the fridge again and i would like to know where all the milk went we had 5 gallons a day ago

**haechie^_^:** ;)

**haechie^_^:**  i made a statue for it in the garden

**younghoe:** is my weed still der

**123456789ten:** oh yeah uh winwin used it in a salad like 4 days ago

**younghoe:** IMMA WHOOP HIS ASS BACK TO CHIna

**younghoe added dingdong and thiccta back to the conversation**

 

**mark:** wym statue haechan

**haechie^_^:**

**jeff97:** unacceptable

**callmeT:** How much did that cost

**haechie^_^:** priceless

**callmeT:** Did you steal it

**haechie^_^:** no me and winwinnie sold salad 4 the money

**bunny:** Wow look at my babies, fundraising already

**younghoe:** bruh

**callmeT:** Bruh

**123456789ten:** u see a lot of shit when u reside in a fridge

**thiccta:** lol u see a lot of fridge when u reside in a shit ;)

**thiccta:** if u know what im talking abt ;))))

**bunny:** Shut up Momo

**dingdong:** chagaun sesang nuneul gamgo i cant speak korean

**tai1:** We can tell

**dingdong:** oh my biscuits r ready

**dingdong:** im going 2 the kitchen

**123456789ten:** dont open the fridge im brooding

**thiccta:** more like breeding ;))))))

**thiccta:** can i borrow ur corn

**123456789ten:** and u fats think im a hoe look at ww2 over here he already has tteokbokki dick taeyong and he still wants some of this pad thai

**bunny:** Hey, Lisa, hate is not tolerated in my house

**123456789ten:** but u tolerate me so

**bunny:** You don’t live in my house, you live in my fridge

**123456789ten:** well ofc i live in the fucking fridge i was roomates with u until you kicked me out for absolutely no reason i call racism

**haechie^_^:** guys i think i broke my statue

**haechie^_^:**

**haehie^_^:** i think i put 2 much milk in it

**mark:** what the fuck come back to our room ur under house arrest from now on

**thiccta:**  ill have u under house arrest ;)))

**mark:** no comment

**123456789ten:** stfu yuta nobody wants you

**thiccta:** wow what would i do without you

**bunny:** Ha without you that’s my song with my baby and my best friend

**jeff97:** um try again hunty ur at level 4 on the friendship scale

**bunny:** Wow, you had a child with my son and this is how you treat me

**123456789ten:** tf u mean without me youve never had me

**thiccta:** id like 2 ;))))))))))))))))))))))))))) if i ever got the chanse

**123456789ten:** i mean if u insist u can hop right into this kitchen appliance

**thiccta:** ;;;;)))

**123456789ten:** anyways

**bunny:** I should call xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx and make sure you’re healthy

**bunny:** You’re falling for Bambam, this isn’t healthy

**123456789ten:** excuse me

**bunny:** You’re excused

**bunny:** You can excuse yourself out of my fridge

**dingdong:** does any2 want a biscuit

**jeff97:** yEEt me

**younghoe:** no because you already sold my weed

**123456789ten:** i cant leave this fridge u kicked me out of our room where tf am i supposed to go fatass

**haechie^_^:** i have a car that u can sleep in

**haechie^_^:**

**123456789ten:** absolutely fucking not wtf is that a pineapple

**mark:** babe no how do u even get these cars

**callmeT:** You’re not using my card, right

**haechie^_^:** no i borrow them but i forgot who i borrow this car from so i guess its mine now

**callmeT:** I’m going to ban you from leaving the dorm

**haechie^_^:** ha ha u can try but u will never catch me grandma

**123456789ten:** um can i move out of this fridge it smells like taeyongs dick

**callmeT:** No

**bunny:** Ok guys, can someone drive me to work, my car exploded


	12. elephants dont have chins you inbred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a family game

**callmeT:** Who’s up for a family friendly game?

**mark:** absolutely not

**callmeT:** Ok we’ll start

**bunny:** What are we playing?

**thiccta:** do i get 2 get my  _ jush _ ？

**123456789ten:** im still in the fridge

**callmeT:** Never have I ever

**callmeT:** No

**jeff97:** unacceptable

**callmeT:** Who wants to go first

**thiccta:** i will do

**thiccta:** never have i ever sneak into taeil’s room while he sleeping and just watch

**callmeT:** NEVER WHAT THE

**123456789ten:** AND JUST WATCH DJFH;ASDFJH never

**dingdong:** never but sound like fun

**jeff97:** babe no. never

**dingdong:** never ever lol got seven

**bunny:** Wait that’s my room too

**bunny:** Why were you watching me?

**thiccta:** i love this show

**mark:** disgustang

**haechie^_^:** yes i agree with mark is discusting

**younghoe:** i have

**younghoe:** lol what

**tai1:** What

**younghoe:** SKRRT 

**jeff97:** ummmm did i just hear a fellow SKRRT

**younghoe:** YEET 

**Jeff97:** ummmmmm SKEET SKEET

**thiccta:** love u jenny

**thiccta:** ok next prison

**123456789ten:** never have i wanted to b with dance king ten

**dingdong:** gilty i would love 2 spend time with u 

**tai1:** Never

**jeff97:** sicheng no never

**callmeT:** Never

**thiccta:** i mean i have tried a few times

**123456789ten:** i never denied u,,,,,

**younghoe:** lol i have

**123456789ten:** wow

**haechie^_^:** can we plz move on to next 1 

**123456789ten:** well dam ok

**bunny:** Never have I ever stolen Doyoung’s car

**haechie^_^:**

**bunny:** Moving on

**jeff97:** never have i ever had stank dick

**callmeT:**

**thiccta:** thats y u  _ dush _

**123456789ten:** whats a  _ dush _

**thiccta:** u know when u clean out ur cave so the eel doesnt get dirty

**123456789ten:** i dont think thats the correct term

**tai1:** Do you mean douche?

**thiccta:** no、i mean  _ Dush _

**mark:** ,,,,,,,,,i wish i never learned how to read

**bunny:** I wish you were never born but look what happened

**mark:** im not even ur fucking son

**bunny:** What’s your point?

**thiccta:** tens nose is very point

**mark:** hard rock scalp head shot pop

**dingdong:** no taco

**123456789ten:** speaking of taco taeyongs pubes look like taco meat

**callmeT:**

**tai1:** Anyways, never have I ever had a crush on a family member

**jeff97:** guilty

**haechie^_^:** does jeff count

**mark:** guilty

**haechie^_^:** does mark count

**123456789ten:** uhh id let all of u smash so guilty

**haechie^_^:** no thanks

**123456789ten:** not u ur too young for this elephant

**thiccta:** the only thing elephant here is ur nose

**123456789ten:** um ur chin says hello

**thiccta:** elephants dont have chins u inbred

**123456789ten:** and u have too much why dont u share with them

**thiccta:** ill share something with u ;))))))))))))

**thiccta:** my bedroom

**123456789ten:** u got me fucked up if you think the sketchers are coming off during sex

**younghoe:** yall nasty

**bunny:** Johnny, what have you never done? Besides clean your room

**younghoe:** crack cocaine

**tai1:** I don’t believe you

**younghoe:** yet

**tai1:** Noted

**dingdong:** never have i ever stole the corn

**123456789ten:** um guilty

**dingdong:** pls tell me why

**dingdong:** this hurt me

**123456789ten:** doyoung wanted to know what i can do with an ear of corn and i live in the fridge so i just reached up and grabbed it

**dingdong:** did u make a slalad

**123456789ten:** absolutely not

**thiccta:** always wash ur vegetables before u toss a salad

**thiccta:** thats why u  _ dush _

**tai1:** Please stop

**123456789ten:** can u toss mine

**thiccta:** please、、、、、、

**jeff97:** pls dont take sichengs corn he wont stop screaming “whoop whoop”

**dingdong:** im going 2 go whoop whoop outside i am sad

**thiccta:** ill whoop whoop with u ;))))))

**jeff97:** look at what u have done and bitch i hope the fuck you do youll be a dead son of a bitch ill tell u that

**thiccta:** (｡•́︿•̀｡)

**123456789ten:** dont be sad get glad

**thiccta:** dont b bad or else ill get mad ;;;))))))))

**callmeT:** Wow

**mark:** wow that emoticon has almost as much chin as you

**thiccta:** shut up short stack

**mark:** um thats racist

**thiccta:** 凸(｀0´)凸

**jeff97:** sicheng is still screaming 

**dingdong:**

**jeff97:** hes angry

**dingdong:**

**bunny:** I love your artwork son, so proud of you

**dingdong:**

**jeff97:** ten please give him his corn back

**123456789ten:** uhhhhh i cant

**dingdong:**

**dingdong:** u are dead 2 me

**123456789ten:** uh i can buy you a new corn

**dingdong:** yes please maybe u can be alive again

**jeff97:** fr ten ur at friendship level -6 rn

**dingdong:** good night


	13. Yuta drops his phone in ramen

**bunny:** Is someone screaming in the kitchen?

**tai1:** Maybe Winwinnie saw what Ten was doing with the corn

**bunny:** No… this scream sounds awfully… 

**bunny:** Imperialistic

**123456789ten:** why is there screaming im just drinking milk in the fridge i cant see anything

**haechie^_^:** ummm thats not milk ;;;)))

**mark:** wtf do u mean thats not milk

**bunny:** Guys, Yuta is on the floor, what happened?

**123456789ten:** he got this dick and couldnt handle it

**tai1:** If anyone could find it...

**jeff97:** me and sicheng are at the store whats happening

**bunny:** Apparently… Yuta dropped his phone in ramen

**bunny:** And he tried to get it out and he shocked himself

**mark:** we r all asian just put it in rice

**jeff97:** speak for yourself buddy America First

**dingdong:** is china in asia 

**callmeT:** Yes sweetie

**bunny:** Well Mark, long story short we’re out of rice, idk how we don’t have any

**haechie^_^:** :::)’’):’’’))))

**jeff97:** well im at the store so i can get some??

**younghoe:** is yuta dead

**123456789ten:** fr wtf is happening i heard a crash

**tai1:** I swear if my fine china is broken..  

**dingdong:** hello i am fine china

**jeff97:** he is  _ very  _ fine china ;)

**dingdong:** very thank you fine america

**tai1:** No stupid it's a type of dish 

**123456789ten:** did i hear  _ dush _

**mark:** whats happening

**callmeT:** Nothing go back to sleep 

**haechie^_^:** are dyslexic people at a disadvantage when learning chinese

**mark:** i cant sleep haechan is staring at me

**callmeT:** You know he can’t help it. He sleeps with his eyes open 

**mark:** um i dont think hes sleeping if hes drinking orange juice straight from the gallon while looking at me and winking

**haechie^_^:** lol who said it was orange juice ;;;;;;;;]

**callmeT:** That’s unexplainable just let it be

**callmeT:** SLEEP HAECHAN 

**jeff97:** what the fuck is happening over there

**dingdong:** pls jeff come sleep before i jjirit jjirit jjirit jjirit

**dingdong:** im scare of dark

**jeff97:** we are in walmart wtf do u mean sleep

**dingdong:** im in the cart

**jeff97:** yes i know im pushing you

**dingdong:** oh ok

**thiccta:** HEY  **BITCHES** IM BACK

**tai1:** Why are you still alive

**thiccta:** Why are you still introverted and smelly

**123456789ten:** where did u go u missed our dick appointment u were supposed to be in this fridge all buttered up and ready now its half past 7 and im angry

**thiccta:** sorry i lost track of time i ment 2

**thiccta:** i had 2 go get a new phone from doyong room

**123456789ten:** sounds fake but ok

**younghoe:** welcum back

**thiccta:** thank u dorito 

**mark:** taeil is ur chyna broken

**dingdong:** no im fine

**tai1:** Yuta you better sleep with one eye open

**bunny:** How the fuck does Yuta always end up our room

**thiccta:** i just watch

**123456789ten:** why dont u ever come in my fridge it gets lonely

**thiccta:** u have the milk

**haechie^_^:** ;;))

**mark:** ok so now haechan is sitting on my bed staring at me and he put the cap to the orange juice on his nose and i dont like it

**haechie^_^:** im ur garden angel

**bunny:** More like a creepy ass gargoyle

**callmeT:** He’s going through puberty

**tai1:** Good one babe

**bunny:** Mark why do I hear owl noises coming from your room

**mark:** hes jumping up and down orange juice is everywhere 

**callmeT:** It’s puberty I tell you

**haechie^_^:** *lets out a really loud skkkrrrrt*

**jeff97:** umm did i just hear a SKRRT im in the driveway u best be ready for this skeet machine

**younghoe:** SKRRT

**bunny:** This is what happens when you don’t have a father figure in your life

**dingdong:** i am the dad

**dingdong:** skirt

**jeff97:** yes ur so smart love u

**dingdong:** tell me something i dent know love u 2

**mark:** haechan is now on the ceiling fan spinning and letting the orange juice spill out its almost beautiful if only he wasnt dry heaving

**haechie^_^:** i think im possessed by my statue

**younghoe:** the grudge 

**bunny:** Mark… is that thunder coming from your room?

**123456789ten:** no thats my ass cheeks clapping violently from within this fridge

**thiccta:** if ur happy and u know it clap ur ass ;;;;))))))、、、、、、

**tai1:** I wish I didn’t read that

**dingdong:** i wish i could read

**jeff97:** its ok bb we all have our flaws urs is that ur not american

**younghoe:** except me 

**123456789ten:** jiffy triangle u look like a fucking cricket dont even

**thiccta:** dorito

**younghoe:** wanna fucc doe

**123456789ten:** meet me in the pit at 5

**younghoe** : im gonna bring my cocaine 

**123456789ten:** nvm yuta u wanna smash

**thiccta:** i thinked u would never ask

**123456789ten:** mwah! saragne

**thiccta:** sorry i dont speak kimchi fried rice

**younghoe:** this is racist

**123456789ten:** ต้องการจะชน

**dingdong:** sa wat d

**dingdong:** good night im going 2 dream about communist ideology


	14. the meatball incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit happens in an IKEA

**bunny:** Okay children, it’s time to get in the van we’re going to IKEA today

**dingdong:** wow all th way in swizterland

**thiccta:** spain u dumbfuck

**tai1: .**

**callmeT:** Do you mean Sweden?

**dingdong:** no i am very smart

**bunny:** No IKEA is like 10 minutes away from our house

**mark:** can i stay home im still traumatized from last nights events

**haechie^_^:** hav u cleaned up the confetti yet

**123456789ten:** do i finally get to leave this fridge

**jeff97:** wym confetti wtf happened

**haechie^_^:** dont go into our room for about 72 hours i have to get the oxiclean and roach killer

**mark:** i,,,,dont want to talk about it but there was orange juice and a stuffed minion involved

**thiccta:** orange  _ jush _

**123456789ten:** yuta when will u let me get some of ur  _ jush _

**thiccta:** harvesting season is in october i will call u make reservation 4 person table by the window very nice view

**123456789ten:** cmon im just tryna get sum cheeks

**thiccta:** maybe u stop have such big nose and u can rearrange the fat very simple i can help u just make a reservation 

**123456789ten:** how do i make a reservation

**thiccta:** ;;;;)))))))))))))

**bunny:** Minhyung please get in the car we’re all waiting for you

**123456789ten:** i dont want to sit next to yuta in the van anymore

**bunny:** Well too bad

**dingdong:** srry fattie jeff in the way so u cant moving 

**mark:** i cant leave im stuck

**dingdong:** are u stuck in bath tub

**Jeff97:** im not fat

**dingdong:** ur heart very fat i love u 

**mark:** haechan tied me to the fan and i really dont want to deal with this rn

**tai1:** Ok I’ll keep you in my prayers, hopefully you figure something out

**Mark:** i dont want to die like this

**bunny:** Then don’t, dumbass 

**jeff97:** i want to die like that

**jeff97:** nvm i want to die by being cremated

**thiccta:** cream-ated ;;;;)))))))))))))))))))))))))

**thiccta:** i can help u 

**123456789ten:** wow ok so he doesnt have to make a reservation i call racism

**thiccta:** tell racism i said hi 

**the family arrives at the local IKEA**

**bunny:** Ok now Winwinnie, please stay with Jeff, I don’t want you to get lost

**dingdong:** this is very ok

**jeff97:** ill keep him in the cart and surround him in various swedish meats

**tai1:** I’m going to go look at bath towels and find reasons why I shouldn’t kill myself today

**123456789ten:** can i get shit for an actual room im tired of a fridge

**thiccta:** yes very upstairs follow me we can together great

**haechie^_^:** well seeing as both of my boyfriends left me i will go look at the light fixtures

**bunny:** Please don’t eat any light bulbs this time

**younghoe:** both? Whomst’d’tve is the second bf

**haechie^_^:** _jaehyunie-hyung~_ and _minhyung-ssi~_

**younghoe:** uhhhhhhHHHhh

**jeff97:** uh im sichengs 

**haechie^_^:** u can share dont be so greedy

**dingdong:** yes i love u my fattie

**dingdong:** 401k

**callmeT:** If anyone’s looking for me, I’ll be in the plants section trying to find a suitable dad for this family

**dingdong:** i am the dad

**callmeT:** You know how all the good men love a nice plant collection

**123456789ten:** wait ur dating wtf i was tryna get some white boy cheeks too damn

**younghoe:** *raises hand*

**younghoe:** i volunteer as tribute

**123456789ten:** no you left me stranded in the walmart parking lot for 7 hours last week 

**thiccta:** u probably had it coming lol

**haechie^_^:** the chinese writing system makes me want to staple my balls to the ceiling 

**bunny:** Haechie, no more affixing stuff to the ceiling 

**bunny:** Speaking of things that are on the ceiling, how are you Minhyungie?

**123456789ten:** i could have u coming rn ;)

**thiccta:** lol how vulgar but i wont decline

**mark:** i want to die in the most violent way rn

**thiccta:** i can help u just i have to call some friend to bring my box of secrets and a melon to get job done

**mark:** can someone get me a new bed mine is covered in orange juice and tears

**tai1:** Sign me up, Yuta, and what’s the melon for?

**thiccta:** in case we get hungry 

**bunny:** Who the fuck just dropped a meatball on my head

**jeff97:** sicheng just dropped a meatball down the second floor and it hit a bald guy and now hes chasing us

**bunny:** >:^(

**jeff97:** america fast

**dingdong:** a momen of silence for my meat ball it pass away it have beautiful look sitting lovely on my plate and all of these great things for my meat ball on behalf of my family our condolosenses and i dont care if i say that word correct language barrier my Cucu i love you bye

**bunny:** That was beautiful I love you my favorite son

**haehie^_^:** oh

**jeff97:** brb winwinnie stay there pls dont wander around

**dingdong:** i cant go anywhere the cart not push herself

**jeff97:** gotta blast

**123456789ten:** me and yuta got kicked out

**thiccta:** ya we got caught making bibimbap in the fridge section

**jeff97:** there arent any bibimbap ingredients here though

**thiccta:** obviously uve never seen me naked

**thiccta:** i can change this 4 u if u want 2 make an appointment

**jeff97:** i never want to see that

**thiccta:** ok sorry ur loss feel free to make reservation anytime but hopefully soon because waiting list so much long

**younghoe:** i got kicked out too they found the sweet black tar mexican heroin hidden in my urethra

**dingdong:** urethra franklin my favorite singer love her

**mark:** i have lost feeling in my legs

**dingdong:** welcome 2 my world (lets do this)

**jeff97:** sicheng where are you i am where i left you rn and ur gone

**dingdong:** sorry i scoot im back in food line

**jeff97:** scoot to the end of the line

**dingdong:** ok anything 4 u fattie any thing u want

**jeff97:** i uh have to ask u somethin

**bunny:** Is this what I think it is

**jeff97:** u h uh uh uh skeet uh 

**bunny:** Are you pregnant again?

**jeff97:** no im not fucking pregnant thats impossible idk how mark happened

**bunny:** He should have never happened

**mark:** at this point i wish i never happened

**bunny:** Finally you get it

**dingdong:** babby what did u want 2 say

**123456789ten:** cmon jeff suck his dick already

**jeff97:** Sicheng, winwinnie, my dingdong, i have something v important i have to skeet in your direction

**dingdong:** which

**jeff97:** i’ve been thinking a lot since we had our first kid and i’m a good american boy and i was raised right so i have to ask you a very serious question

**dingdong:** watermelon

**jeff97:** will you marry me?

**dingdong:** this ring is a meat ball

**jeff97:** that doesn’t answer my question

**dingdong:** the answer is correct

**bunny:** Wow, I can’t believe it, my son-in-law is going to be a fat American

**123456789ten:** wtf that was so cute wtf im crying yuta hold me

**thiccta:** no im holding all of the light bulb we stole from ikea

**jeff97:** im not fat and i still dont know if he said yes or not uh skrrt

**dingdong:** when is my wedding i have to invite my friend

**jeff97:** who is it babe?

**dingdong:** jeff

**jeff97:** i dont think u understand, i want to spend the rest of my life with you winwinnie

**dingdong:** yes u are my chaperone i am not supposed to leave house alone

**jeff97:** ,,,,,wheres the lighting section i want to hang myself with a string lamp

**mark:** i gotchu bro

**thiccta:** can we go out to eat i am hungry

**tai1:** Yes please, how does Italian sound?

**thiccta:** no dont eat other peoples spaghetti

**jeff97:** im going thru a midlife crisis rn and all u care about is food i think i just got friendzoned wtf is wrong with u

**dingdong:** henny my meat ball doesnt fit but i can marry you i had 2 ask parents persimmon

**jeff97:** i-

**jeff97:** ummmmm  SKEET

**dingdong:** yes i would love 2 go skiing

**jeff97:** i love u thank u for saying yes

**dingdong:** can we buy a big bed together now i am happy we can get rid of our single beds

**jeff97:** yes ;)))))))

**dingdong:** plz dont get crazy idea i am a nice boy

**jeff97:** dam ok

**mark:** did u get me a new bed

**thiccta:** i got u some new light bulb it might be dark up there

**123456789ten:** yuta im crying hold me u fatass

**thiccta:** sorry i have 2 many 100 watt light bulb not enough space 

**123456789ten:** wow good to know im loved

**bunny:** I wonder how Dr. Junmyeon is doing and how that cyst went maybe I’ll go in for a meeting soon

**callmeT:** Uhh ill hold you

**thiccta:** no hold me

**thiccta:** in ur ass

**callmeT:** I’m not a bottom also i didn’t find a father figure i only found bamboo

**thiccta:** god killed my dad so u could be my daddy figure

**123456789ten:** wow dropped me so quickly ok

**thiccta:** sorry cannot hold u

**thiccta:** light bulbs

**bunny:** Ok great, did everyone get everything they need from IKEA? I’m leaving and if you’re not in the van in 5 minutes find your own way home

**tai1:** I got some nice knives

**123456789ten:** i got a sad, rushed handjob

**thiccta:** sorry

**haechie^_^:** can i drive home

**everyone:** NO


	15. Where's my hair?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uhhHhhh skeet

**haechie^_^:** _minhyung-ssi~_ where are u

**Mark:** u never let me down from the fan

**tai1:** I’m coming up to untie you

**haechie^_^:** good luck

**mark:** ive been up here for 78 hours

**dingdong:** why didnt go down

**dingdong:** also i lost my meat ball

**jeff97:** …..oh

**dingdong:** i think i ate it

**jeff97:** i dont get paid enough to get u a ring tho

**thiccta:** i can help u just get me my box of secrets and a large squash

**mark:** im still on the cieling

**dingdong:** plz get down 

**tai1:** Which one is your room

**mark:** the one with a sausage taped on the door

**haechie^_^:** i 4got to take that down

**haechie^_^:** also i swept up the orange juice and disinfected the bed so it is ok now

**callmeT:** How do you sweep up a liquid

**thiccta:** lol i can help u if u need a lesson just schedule appointment with my secretary

**callmeT:** Goodbye

**123456789ten:** why are there 123 lightbulbs stuffed into this fridge

**thiccta:** u got really drunk and asked me to put them with the meats

**thiccta:** also u shaved ur head

**123456789ten:** wheres my hair?

**bunny:** With Johnny’s lines

**mark:** hey dont want to interrupt anything but ive been on this fucking ceiling for about 3 days and i cannot feel my lower body

**thiccta:** that might come in handy ;;;)

**tai1:** Why does your door have three locks

**mark:** haechan likes privacy

**haechie^_^:** fact

**tai1:** Where are the keys 

**haechie^_^:** to which car

**tai1:** To your door

**haechie^_^:** passenger or driver side

**mark:** he put them all in an empty orange juice bag

**thiccta:** he put it in my cocoon

**tai1:** Where is your cocoon

**thiccta:** strategically hung from a tree that is outside doyong and teal bedroom window so i can just watch

**dingdong:** haha co co bop exo l fighting

**thiccta:** shimmy shimmy i like to just watch

**tai1:** THAT’S YOU? 

**thiccta:** who did u think it was dumbass

**123456789ten:** why do i have a tramp stamp that says  _ jush  _ now

**dingdong:** i love orange  _ jush _

**mark:** please let me down the centipedes are learning how to fly

**haechie^_^:** i wll never let u down i love u 2 much i have to keep u safe

**tai1:** I can’t climb trees

**bunny:** Don’t worry, I have a friend

**thiccta:** nakamoto yuta to the rescue i will get the keys

**thiccta:** ok teal i need u to go into ur bead room so i can toss u the keys   
****

**tai1:** Ok  


**tai1:** How did you climb so fast

**thiccta:** this is my home

**123456789ten:** its bc his toenails are 3 inches long

**thiccta:** traction

**123456789ten:** a footjob from him is like putting ur dick in a cheese grater

**thiccta:** u didnt complain about that 1 time in Whole Foods

**123456789ten:** i was desperate and they were closing in 3 minutes that was my last resort

**thiccta:** i guess

**tai1:** Can you pass the keys

**thiccta:** no i missed now they are on the ground and i am stuck in my cocoon

**tai1:** Get them Johnny

**younghoe:** i am high

**thiccta:** probably because u so fat so bloated like baloon

**mark:** wow im high too ive been on this FUCKING CEILING FOR 3 DAYS

**haechie^_^:** ok u have marinated long enough i come 2 get u now

**jeff97:**  ???? wtf


	16. back at the hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tbh we just want nct dream here

**bunny added xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx to the chat**

**xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx:** thanks u all 4 be here on such short notice i have important news to shar with you the family

**bunny:** What is it?

**xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx:** we did more study and re search and found that we made a Miss Steak concerning the potato of Mark

**xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx:** sorry i meant to say paternity

**xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx:** Marks real parents are Taeyeon

**bunny:** Taeyeon? Like from Girls’ Generation?

**123456789ten:** wow guess she let mark into the new world

**xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx:** sorry i mant taeyang

**dingdong:** ringa linga

**xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx:** taeyong is the mom 

**xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx:** yay i finally said it right

**xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx:** ok good bye

**xX_Dr_Kim_Kai_Xx has left the chat**

**dingdong:** does this mean i am no longer the A P P A

**mark:** i knew taedong was my parent i told u all fuck u doyoung

**bunny:** Is the ceiling comfortable?

**mark:** taeyong will free me someday

**Jeff97:** i have news

**Jeff97:** winwinnie is pregert

**mark:** isnt prego a sauce

**younghoe:** 2 muchhh sauceeee

**123456789ten:** wow relatable bc i think yuta dumbass knocked my ass up

**thiccta:** sorry i think i pushed u 2 hard into the frozen section at Aldi

**callmeT:** Well fuck, is anyone else having kids? I don’t know if I have enough space for all of these kids

**123456789ten:** i should of never made a reservation

**bunny:** I don’t think me and Taeil can have any more kids, I think we’re past our prime

**thiccta:** ya every time taeil spreads his legs u hear his  _ jush _ gasp for air

**tai1:** Don’t talk about my “ _ jush _ ” or I’ll cut yours off

**mark:** why is everyone pregnant rn

**bunny:** Are you? It would be such a tragedy if you reproduced

**mark:** um me and haechan are underaged and im stuck on a ceiling fan

**bunny:** What’s your point?

**bunny:** Taeyong wasn’t even born when he had Taeil, so anything is possible

**mark:** im ok with keeping it in my pants

**haechie^_^:** and im ok with keeping it in the family ;;;)))  _ uncle minhyung~ _

**mark:** what do u mean uncle

**haechie^_^:** well now that ur teyongs son, that makes u my moms brother which makes u  _ uncle minhyung~ _

**mark:** keep me on this fan and let me die this is so fucked i cant be with u if im ur uncle

**haechie^_^:** y not

**tai1:** You all make me fucking sick

**bunny:** Let’s die together

**thiccta:** this i can help u just get my melon

**123456789ten:** i dont want kids i dont want to b tied down by yutas ugly children

**thiccta:** sorry but we cant get an abolition

**123456789ten:** why did u have to take my cheeks in a 7/11 parking lot

**thiccta:** i tired 2 get into ur shower but it was locked so this was my only opportunity 

**jeff97:** u guys are weird all i did was skeet skeet in sicheng

**dingdong:** im so happy that im having children with my finance again love u 

**dingdong:** i miss u mark plz come home soon

**mark:** i want to die

**bunny:** Guys, guys, I have to add someone real quick, he says he has important news

**bunny added xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx to the chat**

**bunny:** What is it doctor?

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx:** I’m Good Thank You For Asking , But I Have Just Come Back From A Hard Day Of Popping Hyoyeon’s Cyst And It Finally Has Receded . But Anyways , It’s About The Parents-To-Be

**dingdong:** did i do something wrong did i break it

**123456789ten:** ???

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx:** I’m Afraid To Tell You That You Will Both Be Having Twins . But On The Bright Side , There Will Be Dads .

**123456789ten:** oh my god my poor  _ jush _

**dingdong:** does this mean iam having 4 children yay

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx:** Ok , I Must Get Back To Work, I Have A Big Thing To Tackle Next , A SHINee Member Wanted A  _ Jush _ Implant . Thank You Bye .

**xX_Dr_Junmyeon_Xx has left the chat**

**bunny:** Why have you betrayed me, God?


	17. waterpark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk i think sicheng is a bird he likes corn doe

 

**bunny:** Ok guys I figured that the moms needed some time to relax so we’re going to a waterpark today

**dingdong:** i am the mom

**dingdong:** i am the E O M M A

**jeff97:** yes u r sweaty

**thiccta:** ten isnt a mom hes a submarine

**dingdong:** subway sandwach

**123456789ten:** wtf do u mean submarine

**thiccta:** u have 2 little yutas on board

**thiccta:** aye aye captan

**123456789ten:** i hate you

**thiccta:** do i get 2 name one of them

**123456789ten:** sure

**thiccta:** i will name it yuta

**123456789ten:** absolutely not

**thiccta:** absolutely nut ;;)

**haechie^_^:** ok we are here please get out of my bus

**mark:** it took 6 whole ass days but im finally off the fan

**callmeT:** I’m the one who paid for this bus

**haechie^_^:** no u didnt i found it at ikea

**callmeT:** Then why is my credit card account maxed out

**haechie^_^:** we ran out of milk and corn

**jeff97:** thats my fault sicheng wanted a lifetime supply of corn for both of our kids

**dingdong:** when i can laid these eggs

**callmeT:** Uh don't you have your own credit card

**dingdong:** we forgot the pine number

**jeff97:** sorry

**callmeT:** Okay let’s split up into groups of 3 so no one is alone

**bunny:** I’ll take Taeil and Haechie 

**123456789ten:** can i be with taeyong

**callmeT:** I don't feel safe around you

**mark:** can i not be with haechan

**haechie^_^:** ok uncle :^(

**123456789ten:** but i want to be with u ;)

**younghoe:** can i go alone

**callmeT:** Yes because no one likes you

**dingdong:** but i want both fattys

**younghoe:** ok 

**dingdong:** i need someone to hold my corn

**jeff97:** ummmmmmm SKEET

**bunny:** That leaves Ten, Taeyong, and Yuta

**thiccta:** wait what abt milk

**123456789ten:** can taeyong take me to cacao oasis

**callmeT:** Absolutely not

**mark:** can i be with taeil and doyoung

**bunny:** Absolutely not 

**mark:** k ill just go die then

**tai1:** Good

**mark:** good to know im loved

**tai1:** I’m just kidding you can go with us, I don’t want you to die, yet

**mark:** wow

**dingdong:** i want 2 go to the wet slide please

**jeff97:** u cant bring food onto the slide and u have 13 whole ass corns taped to your body currently

**younghoe:** i was a wet slide last night

**123456789ten:** wow relatable

**younghoe:** i know you were there

**123456789ten:** ya bc yuta is a deadbeat dad and i need love in my life ya boi goin thru a lot rn shit

**callmeT:** Can we enjoy a family vacation for once

**jeff97:** can ur dick not smell like bulgogi for once

**callmeT:** Sicheng control your dog

**jeff97:** at least i HAVE someone

**callmeT:** I do have someone

**123456789ten:** its me

**callmeT:** See ;)

**123456789ten:** does this mean youll take me to cacao oasis now

**callmeT:** I suddenly can’t read

**mark:** haechan is stuck in a slide but i think he is perfectly ok with it

**tai1:** No I want to go down the slide

**mark:** he brought orange juice and is spilling it down the slide

**younghoe:** he should probably stop theres a security guard coming

**123456789ten:** is he hot

**younghoe:** he looks 60

**younghoe:** nvm its taeyong

**123456789ten:** so he IS hot

**callmeT:** Please stop pouring the drink I spent 5.99 on in the pool

**jeff97:** if anyone needs me ill b by the wave pool sleeping on my confederate flag towel

**tai1:** Put that away you’re going to get shot

**jeff97:** johnny said only real american boiz have the confederate flag towel so im reppiin my boiz skeet skeet dont know what it means tho skrrt

**tai1:** Why do you lie Jonathan

**younghoe:** hes gullible i couldnt help it

**mark:** can i leave i was in the lazy river and i lifted my hand up and there was a used baby wipe in it doyoung just laughed and said thats what i get for being born

**tai1:** Lol thats what you get

**bunny:** Lol thats what you get

**dingdong:** help my life vest wont go in

**jeff97:** thats bc u have 13 corns strategically placed on different areas of ur body with duct tape, sweetie

**dingdong:** extra float power chyna wants me back i must swim

**123456789ten:** can we get yuta kicked out hes wearing a minion speedo and its disgusting

**callmeT:** Absolutely

**123456789ten:** thanks daddy

**callmeT:** ,,

**123456789ten:** ill cosplay snow white 4 u 2nite

 

**tai1 has left the conversation**

**bunny has added tai1 to the conversation**

**mark:** haechan took one of the tubes from the waterslide and is running into people while screaming sobangcha

**haechie^_^:** woop woop

**dingdong:** hey thats my line

**dingdong:** also can i donate to someone my corn so i can go wet slide

**jeff97:** ill hold ur corn bb

**dingdong:** also where is the bathing room i think i have to lay my egg

**mark:** um about that the bathrooms are closed forever bc of haechan

**haechie^_^:** sorry the ranch dressing kind of exploded

**dingdong:** this is very ok i can make a nest by the pool

**younghoe:** u lay eggs i’ve never been so confused

**dingdong:** ya

**123456789ten:** where is yuta im concerned

**thiccta:** sorry some girl gave me her number im going on date 2 nite ;;;)

**123456789ten:** ...oh..

**thiccta:** i will ask her if u can come with us her name is Wendy shes a very nice :^)

**123456789ten:** ….ill just stay in my fridge

**thiccta:** ok thank u please drink water so my babys dont dry up

**123456789ten:** i hope ur dick dries up u ass

**thiccta:** not on 2 nite my  _ jush _ is going 2 b moisturized

**dingdong:** oh no i think i dropped one of my egg

**jeff97:** wha

**dingdong:** oh no one of my egg is making no noise is it alive

**renjun00:** Good afternoon

**jeff97:** whomst’d’tve is that

**mark:** if its god can he release me from this pain

**tai1:** Not yet 

**dingdong:** oh no the other one is making dolphin noises should i step on it

**jeff97:** the other WHAT

**dingdong:** i accidentally had 2 eggs im name them Chenle and Renjun

**shangbye:** 请爸爸爱我 pls love me daddy

**thiccta:** nobody understands you stop speaking commie

**jeff97:** what the fuck is happening

**bunny:** I think you just became a dad

**dingdong:** no i am the dad

**jeff97:** these are my kids ??

**dingdong:** of coarse

**bunny:** Oh my god I’m finally a grandma

**shangbye:** yes you fatty

**renjun00:** Correct

**bunny:** That’s not how you should talk to your grandma, you little fuck

**jeff97:** they r so beautiful im going to cry real american tears

**haechie^_^:** where r u winnie

**dingdong:** im by the wave pool with my childs i hope they dont drown

**haechie^_^:** can we go home now i left my beans on the stove

**bunny:** Why do you have beans?

**haechie^_^:** its 4 later 4 uncle minhyung ;)

**mark:** god help me

**younghoe:** i have sunburn on my dick

**thiccta:** i can help u with that plz come down 2 my tree and fill up an application

**123456789ten:** my stomache hurts can we leave yuta is being a dick and im all alone

**callmeT:** Okay go to the car all of you

**123456789ten:** wow get u a man like taeyong

**callmeT:** ,,


	18. A celebration i guess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is rlly weird oof sorry

**bunny:** We are gathered here today, in this lovely living room, to celebrate the birth of my grandsons

**thiccta:** wtf i thout u were a priest making a wedding

**123456789ten:** shut the fuck up u look like the rake

**thiccta:** shut up its ur fault u got pregnet u didnt want to use the plastic bag

**shangbye:** i want to go back into the womb

**dingdong:** sorry i dont think enough space for u anymore u have big head

**123456789ten:** taeyong wouldnt do this to me

**callmeT:** Debatable 

**bunny:** Where is my husband?

**bunny added tai1 to the chat**

**bunny:** Oh

**123456789ten:** u tryna smash

**bunny:** Honey you’re a grandpa now

**tai1:** let me see them 

**bunny:** Children go say hi to your grandpa

**shangbye:** no xD

**123456789ten:** i need the bathroom right now immediately bye

**haechie^_^:** sorry the ranch dressing attacked again go use the one upstairs

**123456789ten:**  wtf does that even mean

**shangbye:** hi fat

**renjun00:** Hello

**jeff97:** wow skeet they r just like their dad

**dingdong:** <4

**dingdong:** its a heart but i love u more than 3 so i say 4 since we are family of 4 now

**jeff97:** stop im gonna cry

**dingdong:** please donut cry u will dry up into raisin like Mr. Nakamoto

**thiccta:** excuse u

**123456789ten:** whats a nakamoto is that a type of sauce

**thiccta:** my special sauce;;;)

**thiccta:** ok i gotta go make tteokbokki w wendy i will see u all latte

**123456789ten:** wow im clinically depressed

**callmeT:** Don’t be sad my darling

**dingdong:** i think its just constopation u need to go use the bathing room

**123456789ten:** that made my heart nut so hard that i think im giving birth

**dingdong:** omg 10 is having babby too i forgot

**callmeT:** With whom

**123456789ten:** the one that is making tteokbokki after he dropped me faster than sicheng dropping renjun when he first held him

**dingdong:** oops sorry there was no fragile label when it camed out

**haechie^_^:** auntie Ten do u need any help i read a wikihow article on how to give birth once 

**123456789ten:** its ok dont u just poop it out

**haechie^_^:** oh the article i read said it involved a pair of pliers and olive oil but ur probably right

**haechie^_^:** at least i offered to help

**bunny:** That’s right :^) Proud of you

**123456789ten:** hi one of them came out and immediately started walking towards a stuffed minion in yutas room then proceeded to grind on it

**bunny:** What is its name?

**123456789ten:** idk it looks like a jeno 2 me

**bunny:**  gross

**shangbye:** that sounds like a name for a fish

**bunny:** You’re one to talk, you sound like a backup dancer from the live-action version of Mulan

**shangbye:** fight me fatty

**bunny:** I would but animal abuse is illegal, sorry

**jeff97:** dont attack my son u cuck

**bunny:** Shut up virgin

**renjun00:** Please don’t fight

**jeff97:** i have two sons wtf do u mean virgin my pull out game atrocious

**dingdong:** we never did the sexual game of checkers i am a virginia saving myself for God sorry

**jeff97:** sounds fake but ok

**tai1:** I wish I was sicheng so I couldn’t be able to read

**bunny:** Ten are you ok? I think I see another one stuck in your ass in the west wing

**bunny:** When did you renovate up there?

**123456789ten:** hello yes there was another he has my smile im proud bc yuta is ugly

**haechie^_^:** can i name it

**123456789ten:** whats ur name idea

**haechie^_^:** Jaemin but i will call him Jaemie

**123456789ten:** k cool

**haechie^_^:** jae comes from my first love

**haechie^_^:** my brother in law jaehyun my jeff~

**haechie^_^:** min comes from my second first love

**haechie^_^:** _ uncle minhyung~ _

**jeff97:** absolutely not

**mark:** i have no words

**bunny:** Good, keep it that way

**callmeT:** Where is Johnny

**younghoe:** finally someone pays attention to me

**shangbye:** no one pays attention to a fat confederate

**bunny:** Do you mean your dad?

**shangbye:** yes

**123456789ten:** hi i cant feel my ass

**thiccta:** ive heard u say that before ;;;)

**renjun00:** What do you mean

**123456789ten:** go die u broke my heart fatass

**bunny:** Johnny why is my light bill so high? Are you growing something again?

**tai1:** Probably his weed garden

**younghoe:** no i am letting my son photosynthesize

**bunny:** Wait wtf you have a kid? I thought you lost your nuts in that one bet

**younghoe:** yes i got him at costco and no that never happened

**dingdong:** wow cost co i love that store amazing great deals i love their carts

**jush:**  hi u tits im jeno

**jaemie^_^:** Hiii :^) im jaemin :^)

**renjun00:** Wow new friends!

**jaemie^_^:** Who said I was your friend

**renjun00:** ):

**jaemie^_^:** Jk I love you :)

**haechie^_^:** holy dingdong the mushroom is talking

**dingdong:** u called

**lil_skeet:** Hi i’m Jisung.

**younghoe:** u want sum smoke

**lil_skeet:** No I want you to be a responsible father figure for me.

**tai1:** Your kid has better grammar than you

**bunny:** I’m glad that’s not us

**dingdong:** :^)

**mark:** there are more haechans now i really want to die

**bunny:** Mark would you please show the kids up to their room

**bunny:** Make yourself useful for once

**renjun00:** It’s okay I already found an empty room

**haechie^_^:** thats not a bedroom thats a bread storage room

**renjun00:** Where is the bread all I see are chains

**haechie^_^:** sometimes the bread gets disobedient please leave the room

**jush:** im not sleeping with anyone until they take me on a date first im going to room by myself

**jaemie^_^:** What about me? :( I thought we were brothers

**jush:** im not like haechan srry

**jaemie^_^:** Fine :( I’ll just room with Renjun

**renjun00:** Okay :)

**jaemie^_^:** c:

**jush:** does this mean i get dolphin boy

**jaemie^_^:** You didn’t choose me so I chose for you

**bunny:** Ok seeing as how everyone has somewhere to sleep now

**bunny:** Shut off all the fucking lights and go to bed, you’re running up my light bill

**younghoe:** srry teehee


	19. a family united

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lmao ten leaves yuta

**thiccta:** ok im home what did i mess

 **123456789ten:** the opportunity of being a good father for these children

 **thiccta:** srry are they still alive did u water them

 **123456789ten:** im going to kms

 **mark:** me too haechan took all of the milk again and is drinking it through his nose

 **haechie^_^:** u just wait until u see what i do with the beans

 **123456789ten:** i can do something cool with an ear of corn

 **dingdong:** explain me :^)

 **123456789ten:** maybe ill teach u jeff will like it

 **jeff97:** um

 **dingdong:** who is jeff

 **jeff97:** me. Ur fiance. Jung jaehyun.

 **dingdong:** no ur my fatty i love u

 **mark:** hi just a quick little interruption, haechan broke through the floor and shoved the lower half of my body into the floor which so happens to be the children’s room ceiling and they are touching my feet and i dont like it

 **jaemie^_^:** Ur feet look like ginger roots

 **renjun00:** Can someone fix our door

 **jaemie^_^:** Sorry I accidentally broke the wall so we could all share one big room

 **shangbye:** ew i can smell jeno

 **Jush:** excuse me dolphin boy

 **shangbye:** i can smell you fatty

 **jush:** the only fat thing here is ur dad

 **shangbye:** i know dont rub it in

 **jeff97:** at least they have a dad

 **lil_skeet:** Greetings.

 **renjun00:** Hi

 **lil_skeet:** Why is Haechan licking Mark’s foot?

 **callmeT:** You’re going to have to get used to that it’s a daily occurrence

 **mark:** mark is no longer absolutely fully capable

 **bunny:** Old news, you never were useful

 **tai1:** That’s false he used to rub my shoulders

 **bunny:** Whatever you say daddy

 **jeff97:**  ^^^gross

 **123456789ten:** im going to go cry in the fridge

 **callmeT:** Why

 **thiccta:** post particle depression u know after u have a babies

 **123456789ten:** ,,,,,,,ok

 **callmeT:** He’s probably sad because you’re his bf

 **123456789ten:** ya until he dropped me right after i got loaded w his baby gravy leaving me all sad n shit

 **bunny:** I’ve got some pills that can help you get over it, they’re made out of cyanide

 **123456789ten:** wow good to know im loved

 **bunny:** Mwah! saragne

 **haechie^_^:** why is yuta still in the chat he is a meanie  >:^(

**callmeT removed thiccta from the conversation**

**callmeT:** You should break up with him

**callmeT added thiccta to the conversation**

**123456789ten:** minion fucker go choke i hate u

 **thiccta:** can i still have partial custodian of the kids

 **123456789ten:** i guess

 **tai1:** Great to know that we’re a functioning family :-)

 **shangbye:** ^ die xD


	20. party time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its gonna get saucy so please hide ur kids

**thiccta:** ok everyone i plan on getting some ass 2 night who will be our designated driver

**tai1:** Me

**123456789ten:** good to know im loved

**bunny:** Who said you were loved?

**bunny:** Just kidding I love you

**123456789ten:** wow thanks

**haechie^_^:** why did u guys leave me home with the eggs

**mark:** im still in the floor

**thiccta:** i can help u please speak with my secretary to schedule an appointment

**123456789ten:** dont schedule an appointment youll end up pregnant with twins

**thiccta:** oh come on it was 1 time

**jeff97:** i dont want sicheng to see me at a party i get really sweaty

**dingdong:** dont worry i can find a chapterone

**dingdong:** dont u think i did good finding a baby sitter for all the childs

**dingdong:** i hope he sit on baby

**123456789ten:** im going to go have a deep conversation with the fridge

**dingdong:** make sure u bring a flashlight in case its dark down there

**thiccta:** where the thai women at tryna score some pad thai 2 night

**123456789ten:** taeyong come in the fridge im lonely

**callmeT:** No

**bunny:** Why are you in the fridge? This isn’t even our house

**jeff97:** wheres the fuckin blow

**123456789ten:** i was your pad thai you fucking cuck

**thiccta:** sometims ur pad thai looked a little expired sorry

**mark:** hi i pulled myself out of the floor 

**bunny:** Damn

**tai1:** Does that mean Mark has to come to the party

**haechie^_^:** dont worry uncle minhyung~ i can drive us its at xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx’s house

**mark:** nvm can i stay home

**haechie^_^:** get in the fucking car

**mark:** fine

**bunny:** An odd looking woman just walked up to me and asked if I wanted to go to flavor town

**123456789ten:** i think ur exaggerating all i wanted to know was if u wanted some corn, god

**thiccta:** winwinie come over here i have someth1ng for u

**dingdong:** why does that watermelon have a syringe in it

**jeff97:** dont go near him hes a jap

**callmeT:** What did you put in this drink Johnny

**younghoe:** my cum

**dingdong:** this doesnt taste like watermelon

**thiccta:** i put a special sauce in it

**dingdong:** its not 2 bad thank u

**jeff97:** its really hot in here

**bunny:** I hope you die of heat stroke

**bunny:** Just kidding make sure you drink water

**tai1:** Jaehyun I can smell your body odor

**mark:** jaehyun please put your shirt back on

**dingdong:** no this is very ok

**jeff97:** my sweat soaked through it

**thiccta:** winwin where are your socks

**tai1:** I can see your fat rolls

**jeff97:** im not fat

**dingdong:** i lost them in the kitchen

**bunny:** Where is Taeil

**tai1:** In the kitchen, sweetie

**thiccta:** johnny where are all the bitches i was promised bitches

**123456789ten:** ur acting like my fine ass isnt here already

**younghoe:** i misspoke i meant dogs

**dingdong:** johnny can i sit on ur lap u look very comfortable

**jeff97:** absolutely not

**younghoe:** absolutely yes

**jeff97:** ABSOLUTELY NOT

**younghoe:** xD

**bunny:** Winwin please put your shirt back on

**jeff97:** no this is very ok

**bunny:** No, he’s sitting on his uncle’s lap, this is not ok

**mark:** someone please tell haechan to stop grabbing my thigh

**haechie^_^:** sorry i thought you were a pole

**123456789ten:** can someone get taeyong off of my back

**callmeT:** Nah Imma stay

**thiccta:** u better watch out u might end up with children 2

**123456789ten:** u can stay this is very ok

**younghoe:** lmao help i think i might have broken a vase 

**xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx:** johnny can you please leave my house

**younghoe:** nah imma stay

**mark:** um 911 haechan just licked the entirety of my ear

**xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx:** Im calling the police

**younghoe:** im a bad bitch i cant be killed

**thiccta:** thats what u think ;;;) come over here and try my watermelon

**123456789ten:** uh false bc taeyong just ate the entire watermelon

**thiccta:** oh god i hope he is okay

**thiccta:** actually i dont he can choke

**bunny:** win win where are ur pants

**dingdong:** i lent them 2 someone i dont remember who

**jeff97:** he tied them to my face

**dingdong:** o ya thats it

**jeff97:** im sweating through them

**callmeT:** hl p i cant ghety up

**123456789ten:** ur still on my back wym

**callmeT:** im fallmng

**dingdong:** jeff is that ur corn or r u just excited 2 see me

**jeff97:** issa dick

**tai1:** Put your micropenis away

**bunny:** i acidentaly walk on top of fridge someon1 self me

**jeff97:** if its micro then how could sicheng see it

**tai1:** I would help but you’re trying to kick my face

**bunny:** im trying 2 sit on ur fas stop try ing to pull me

**123456789ten:** please help taeyong made me fall and he wont let go of me

**callmeT:** Stomach hurt

**123456789ten:** do u want me 2 kiss it better

**callmeT:** Yws

**123456789ten:** will u take me to cacao oasis if i do

**callmeT:** yEs

**123456789ten:** finally

**mark:** hey so um haechan locked me and him in a closet and brought a gallon of orange juice in it and then threw away the key

**haechie^_^:** my friend said it was called 7 minutes in heaven

**jeff97:** thats not how the game works trust me ive done it w sicheng thats how the children happened

**haechie^_^:** sorry blame yuta

**bunny:** wen win why do u only have underwear on this is a party not a strip club

**jeff97:** easy access

**dingdong:** only 4 u 

**bunny:** i have fall of the fridge

**mark:** can someone help me he keeps smelling my hair

**haechie^_^:** it looks like ramen

**dingdong:** sorry im on the couch with jeffrey he keeps laying on me

**jeff97:** im tryna smash

**thiccta:** why is there pool of orange juice by the closet door

**mark:** haechan said that the smell will set the mood

**thiccta:** ok ill leave u 2 alone then 

**thiccta:** im still mad at johnny bc i was promised some bitches

**jeff97:** can u guys leave the living room me and sicheng need sum privacy

**younghoe:** nah imma stay

**jeff97:** but im about to smash so leave

**dingdong:** no it ok he can just watch

**jeff97:** absolutely not

**younghoe:** its ok ill leave its obvious no one wants me xD

**thiccta:** u r welcome to fill an application

**dingdong:** no its ok jeff can share

**jeff97:** absolutely not johnny leave im trying to get my dick wet

**younghoe:** no fat rolls 4 me

**dingdong:** ur fat 2

**younghoe:** im not obese like him

**dingdong:** jeffree why r u being so mean 2 my pengyou

**jeff97:** because im not into 3ways

**dingdong:** what about anyways

**dingdong:** i am drunk

**jeff97:** can i smash now

**jeff97:** u wan sum fuk

**bunny:** wtf who just hit me with a broom

**thiccta:** sorry i thought you were a squirrel

**tai1:** Don’t hit my wife

**mark:** i finally got out Haechan just stared at me the whole time it was unsettling

**haechie^_^:** you finally came out of the closet 

**mark:** why is taeyong viciously making out with ten

**younghoe:** let it happen

**haechie^_^:** well so far we have trashed this house, broke a fridge, soiled a couch, and broke a closet, i think we should go

**haechie^_^:** im calling the police

**jeff97:** im not done yet tho

**callmeT:** I think it’s time to call it a night

**123456789ten:** wym we just started ;)

**callmeT:** We can continue this at home

**123456789ten:** tru

**dingdong:** jeffree please put ur corn away

**jeff97:** wym corn we just smashed

**tai1:** I wish I hadn’t read that

**jeff97:** its ok it was a good time ur son was v happy

**tai1:** Get out my house

**bunny:** this isnt even our house

**tai1:** Don’t correct me

**bunny:** ok sir

**dingdong:** god night

**callmeT:** I’ll call a taxi

**dingdong:** i miss my children

**jeff97:** too bad u just swallowed mine

**dingdong:** u told me it was baby corn

**jeff97:** creamed corn

**mark:** i dont feel comfortable

**thiccta:** schedule an appointment

**mark:** no

**123456789ten:** can we leave im tryna get my  _ jush _ ate

**tai1:** Jaehyun can walk home

**jeff97:** lol too bad ur son cant

**dingdong:** my bing bong hurts

**tai1:** I’m taking you home myself

**jeff97:** i dont feel safe riding with u

**tai1:** I’m not taking you I’m taking my only son

**haechie^_^:** what about me

**tai1:** I don’t know you

**haechie^_^:**

**bunny:** dent worry haechan i will breng u width

**mark:** can i not ride with ten and taeyong they r touching each other

**thiccta:** ya can yall i sungane all STOP there are children here

**bunny:** u can walk home

**123456789ten:** no im busy

**callmeT:** We r having a good time

**thiccta:** 。。。

**callmeT:** Speak  FOOL

**bunny:** ok im going 2 grow back home taeil can u carry me daddy

**tai1:** Ok

**jeff97:** there is no room for me to sit

**bunny:** thats the point

**tai1:** That’s why you’re walking

**jeff97:** no thanks someone move

**tai1:** Sit on my lap Doyoung

**xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx:** Can you all leave my house please I have an important surgery tomorrow 

**xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx:** I have to get rid of a Girls’ Generation member’s bunions

**younghoe:** nah imma stay

**xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx:** Ok dont b alarmed when ur showering tomorrow morning n u see some chopsticks

**younghoe:** nah imma leave

**xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx:** What a big nose you have, you know what they say, when a man has a big nose...

**younghoe:** i broke ur expensive vase

**xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx:** I’ll break ur expensive ass

**xX_Dr_Baek_Baddie_Xx:** I mean what

**callmeT:** Get in the car Jonathon

**123456789ten:** oh no theres no room for him what ever will i do it looks like i have to sit on taeyongs lap oh no how unfortunate

**haechie^_^:** o k i went 2 go get the car and i think i broke it

**tai1:** *suicidal sigh* I guess I’ll just call Uber


	21. the morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haechan gets noticed by jimmy carter hyung

**tai1:** Who up

**mark:** hi

**younghoe:** i lost my shoes somehow

**thiccta:** i lost my  _ jush _

**thiccta:** Jimmy i think ur shoes are in my cocoon

**younghoe:** 0:

**123456789ten:** my ass hurts

**callmeT:** Good

**123456789ten:** ;)

**dingdong:** my bingbong still hurts

**jeff97:** im sorry my dick game strong

**thiccta:** is it a multiplayer game can i join

**tai1:** There are children in here

**jeff97:** absolutely not

**thiccta:** maybe if u get parents to sign a permission slip than u can join

**jeff97:** im an adult wym i have 2 sons and i just destroyed my fiance’s cornhole

**dingdong:** ？

**123456789ten:** wow sicheng

**jaemie^_^:** What’s a cornhole?

**tai1:** Close your eyes

**thiccta:** open ur eyes quietly open ur eyes

**tai1:** Close your eyes

**mark removed lil_skeet, jush, shangbye, and renjun00 from the chat**

**jaemie^_^:** Forgotten again wow :^(

**mark removed jaemie^_^ from the chat**

**haechie^_^:** wow u removed my sister

**haechie^_^:** im angry

**haechie^_^:** u just wait and c what i do next with a pot of mashed potatoes

**123456789ten:** this reminds me i havent shown taeyong what i can do with an ear of corn yet

**callmeT:** Keep that to yourself

**123456789ten:** no you owe me from what i had to  _ record _ last night

**callmeT:** Show me tonight then

**bunny:** Guys there’s some weird videos on Jeff’s snapchat story have you seen them yet?

**jeff97:** what

**bunny:** Why is Jaehyun crying?

**tai1:** Lol you look so fat in it

**bunny:** Sicheng looks like he’s getting crushed by a bus, poor boy

**tai1:** xD~

**mark:** wait are they doing what i think theyre doing

**thiccta:** ive never seen it done like that before

**bunny:** My son-in-law’s dick game is atrocious

**jeff97:** incorrect sicheng loved it

**tai1:** Stop babydick 

**thiccta:** how did u get it 2 bend like that

**jeff97:** i dont have a babydick ur son felt it in his brain excuse u

**tai1:** ,

**haechie^_^:** i dont have jeff on snapchat whats going on

**haechie^_^:** he wont add me back

**callmeT:** This doesn’t concern you

**mark:** what concerns me is wtf did ten have to record

**callmeT:** That’s none of your business 

**dingdong:** has any1 seen my socks

**jeff97:** ur wearing them

**dingdong:** no these are yutas socks they have japanese flags on them and they say “YU TA”

**123456789ten:** i have ur s\ocks sorry taeyong needed them

**bunny:** Wow you can’t afford condoms so you just use socks?

**123456789ten:** nah taeyong raw dogs it

**younghoe:** uhhhhHhhhHhh

**dingdong:** jeff why does ur corn cob look broken

**jeff97:** its not tho?

**dingdong:** look at the video of us on the piano

**tai1:** It looks like an L

**dingdong:** exo L fighting

**jeff97:** sichengs ass is boney so it curved

**dingdong:** i dont feel good im going 2 go take a nap

**bunny:** Me too, I can’t feel my  _ jush _

**bunny:** Oh god I said  _ jush _

**123456789ten:** hi so i lost my camera if anyone could give it back and not look at whats on it that would be great

**haechie^_^:** is it the pink one that says “bad bitch Ten” on it

**haechie^_^:** if so, i found it

**123456789ten:** yes give it back

**haechie^_^:** why are u naked

**haechie^_^:** oh my god thats my grandma Taeyong

**haechie^_^:** ohk nmeoijaoij ffff

**callmeT:** Don’t look at it or I’ll ground you

**mark:** im concerned

**haechie^_^:** ill give it to u mark

**mark:** absolutely not

**haechie^_^:** ok ill put it on twitter so u can watch it

**12456789ten:** NO that means people will see it for free thats some high quality shit man

**haechie^_^:** too late

**callmeT:** I’m coming upstairs to beat you up

**123456789ten:** i cant go upstairs my ass hurts too much

**haechie^_^:** someone help my phone is getting too many notifications

**jeff97:** wtf taeyong why do u let him beat u like that this video is wild

**123456789ten:** well I mean have u heard his verse for baby don't like it

**callmeT:** I’m sorry you had to see me like that

**123456789ten:** im not shit was hot

**tai1:** How much does eye removal surgery cost

**haechie^_^:** why did the president just tweet me saying that the video was “a cultural asset”

**dingdong:** obama

**haechie^_^:** wrong president

**dingdong:** who was it

**haechie^_^:** jimmy carter

**jeff97:** my dick hurts

**dingdong:** put some ice on it

**jeff97:** why dont u kiss it better

**dingdong:** i love rihanna

**thiccta:** taeil can i join u for eye removal Sir Jerry

**tai1:** No fat ass

**thiccta:** please ill move my cocoon

**thiccta:** wendy wouldnt treat me like this

**123456789ten:** since that video was a hit round 2 should b in the fridge

**dingdong:** hit the fridge

**haechie^_^:** gram ur famous

**callmeT:** This isn’t the type of fame I wanted

**123456789ten:** me either tbh i just wanted a good dickin

**123456789ten:** unless u want something more haha its not like im a lonely single father or anythingksfnsd

**dingdong:** omg marry my grandma i want a grand A P P A

**callmeT:** uHHhhhH I’ll think about that

**bunny:** That was so wholesome it woke me up from my nap

**123456789ten:** hahaaaaaaha ill be in the fridge then def not crying whaaaat hahsdbh

**dingdong:** why is the fridge leaking

**123456789ten:** dem tears

**callmeT:** Open the door and let me in 

**bunny:** *sheds a tear in Korean*

**dingdong:** tell the guards to open up

**dingdong:** the Gates

**dingdong:** for the first time in forever

**123456789ten:** okay,,,,,

**tai1:** Is my bread soggy

**mark:** is my bagged milk ok

**haechie^_^:** ;)

**callmeT:** Taeil, your bread is extremely soggy

**tai1:** K

**bunny:** Darn we were going to use that bread tonight for naked twister

**bunny:** It should be fine, right?

**dingdong:** im going outside to re fresh

**123456789ten:** what did u want taeyong

**callmeT:** For you to stop crying

**bunny:** Whole

**bunny:** Some

**123456789ten:** no ya boi going thru a lot rn and im all alone

**callmeT:** I’m here for you~

**123456789ten:** but will you be with me?

**callmeT:** Of course

**jeff97:** that was so cute what the fuck

**dingdong:** im going to b giving a tour of my garden does anyone want to join my group chat

**tai1:** God no

**bunny:** Honey please support our children

**tai1:** God yes

**bunny:** Great, you can go for both of us, I don’t want to see it

**tai1:** I’m not going if you aren’t??

**bunny:** Fine

**bunny:** Sorry Winwinnie we can’t make it, we’re *cough* sick, your garden looks lovely

**tai1:** I have the flu 

**bunny:** I have whiplash from falling off the fridge onto Taeil’s dick

**tai1:** I know ;)

**mark:** i never wanted to read that

**123456789ten:** i got love

**callmeT:** I got love for you

**dingdong:** Igot7

**tai1:** I didn’t raise you like that

**mark:** this shit gay

**tai1:** Aren’t you

**mark:** im single im dating my career

**bunny:** Lol virgin

**123456789ten:** im dating taeyong

**tai1:** Wowwwwwww you have low standards

**bunny:** Shut up that’s your mom

**tai1:** And

**bunny:** Wow

**tai1:** Teehee you love me

**jeff97:** my dick machine broken

**dingdong:** you know what i like?

**dingdong:** the end of the chapter


	22. bleach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol is that a beached whale? no its jaehyun

**younghoe:** why didn't you say before we lived 20 mins from the beach

**tai1:** Maybe if you left the house for once you would know l

**lil_skeet:** Finally, photosynthesis.

**callmeT:** Do we need to get bathing suits first

**123456789ten:** or you don't have to wear one at all

**callmeT:** Stop

**younghoe:** No you already bought us all matching ones

**jush:** its too hot my  _ jush _ is melting

**shangbye:** i could've lived without reading that

**bunny:**

****

**bunny:** candid of jaehyun

**dingdong:** Lov my fattie

**haechie^_^:** lol i found Yuta

**haechie^_^:**

****

**jaemie^_^:** hahahaa im gonna run into the waves lolol hope nobody chases me~

**lil_skeet:** Target aquired.

**renjun00:** Don't drown please

**jush:** do i hear a dolphin

**shangbye:** teehee

**jush:** disgusting 

**mark:** i want to have a good time for once im feeling very Young and Free™ 

**tai1:** Go home

**jaemie^_^:** i cant swim

**callmeT:** Good thing I packed floaties

**callmeT:** Who packed dildos.

**younghoe:** we smokin penises !

**bunny:** That's not even physically possible

**younghoe:** bet

**bunny:** No thanks

**dingdong:** it is so nice 2 watch my babbies play

**123456789ten:**

****

**123456789ten:** me and taeyong Ɛ>

**bunny:** is that jaemin drowning in the background

**dingdong:** no is ok jeno is help

**jush:** lmao u thought

**tai1:** I’m glad we’re actually good parents

**thiccta:** what that mean

**tai1:** It means your son is drowning

**thiccta:** i have a son  ?

**tai1:** *suicidal sigh*

**jaemie^_^:** hi im ok now jisung helped me

**lil_skeet:** You cucks I am a better father than all of you and im 15.

**younghoe:** am i not a good dad to you

**tai1:** Everyone thinks you’re a flop

**shangbye:** my dad is good hes just fat

**bunny:** True

**123456789ten:**

****

**123456789ten:** i think i just found a beached whale

**bunny:** thats Jaehyun

**123456789ten:** oh

**dingdong:** i lost my corns in the ocean :^(

**tai1:** Why did you bring them in the first place

**dingdong:** healthy snak for kids

**shangbye:** i hate corn

**dingdong:** who r u again i forgot

**shangbye:** *exhales in chinese*

**mark:** why is yuta naked

**thiccta:** hang out wit wang out 

**younghoe:** dicks out saturday 

**jeff97:** saturdays r 4 the boys skeet skeet

**dingdong:**

****

**dingdong:** fun in the sun

**tai1:** My son is so beautiful even though that sounds so incesty

**haechie^_^:** its ok theres nothing wrong wit keeping it in the family just look at me and  _ uncle minhyung~ _

**tai1:** I’d rather not look

**mark:** please stop youve already buried me in the sand now its just my head poking out

**haechie^_^:** u have to marinate

**renjun00:** Haha look at this pictorial jaemie took of me

**renjun00:**

****

**dingdong:** you look amazing sweatie

**jeff97:** im about to shed real american tears

**jush:**

****

**jush:** children photoshoot only no fats allowed

**callmeT:** Who took that 

**jaemie^_^:** me im a photographer lol jk

**jaemie^_^:** lol ill take one of jisung it looks like he passed out

**jaemie^_^:**

****

**jaemie^_^:** oh no hes waking up

**lil_skeet:** Who dyed my hair blue.

**tai1:** Shark head looking ass

**shangbye:** show them the pic of all six of us bc i look good

**jaemie^_^:** debatable but ok

**jaemie^_^:**

****

**dingdong:** i think my corn pictorial is butter than urs

**shangbye:** you have android so your opinion is irrelevant 

**jeff97:** dont talk to ur mother like that look now hes crying

**shangbye:** buy him a new phone youre rich aren’t you

**jeff97:** no taeyong is

**callmeT:** I have a lot of money

**123456789ten:** i need child support

**callmeT:** I’m not the dad

**thiccta:** the childrens can support themselfs im busy 

**jush:** no we can’t we’re broke

**jeff97:** sicheng spent all of our kids college savings on corn and corn-like products

**shangbye:** daddy why

**dingdong:** life time supplie keep you healthy

**shangbye:** eating too much corn causes constipation

**thiccta:** thats why you  _ dush  _

**renjun00:** What’s that

**thiccta:** u kno when u clean ur tokyo before godzilla invades

**renjun00:** Oh

**jaemie^_^:** i dont get it

**mark:** u wanna know what i dont get? why haechan just shoved a whole flounder down my pants

**tai1:** Deal with it

**haechie^_^:** it will add flavor 

**callmeT:** I think that’s enough beach for today

**jush:** i got sand in my eye

**renjun00:** I’ll help you get it out

**jush:** ur rlly close

**renjun00:** Yeah, I’m touching your face 

**jush:** wow u have soft hands

**renjun00:** Thanks I use dove hand lotion

**callmeT:** Get in the car homos

**jush:** u just ruined a perfectly wholesome moment bruh


	23. who put nct on a plane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plane ride to chicago featuring your flight attendants, red velvet

**wendy23:** Hello passengers please take your seats, the plane is ready to  _ jush _

**mark:** can i move my seat im next to haechan

**bunny:** No, we put you back in economy seating just so you could spend time with your nephew

**mark:** haechan abuses me though

**wendy23:** Sir, I’m sorry we don’t allow sharp objects on the plane

**thiccta:** wendy its my fucking chin

**jeff97:** no its tens nose

**123456789ten:** this racism isnt needed rn

**wendy23:** Sir, please get off of that man’s lap it isn’t safe

**123456789ten:** no thanks im good

**thiccta:** it’s sharp like winwins korean

**thiccta:** oh wait

**dingdong:** shut up dorito

**wendy23:** Wait, is that you Yuta?

**wendy23:** We hooked up like 3 weeks ago and you never called me back

**thiccta:** o ya sorry i said i would text u

**123456789ten:** i hope u die in a high speed car crash

**bunny:** Thank you me too

**haechie^_^:** can i open a window its hot in here

**mark:** please get out of my jacket while im in it you have your own

**jaemie^_^:** Do i have 2 get out too

**mark:** who r u and what r u doing in my jacket

**jaemie^_^:** Haechan let me in

**mark:** haechan is the devil

**haechie^_^:** run devil devil run run

**jush:** where is renjun im lost 

**renjun00:** I’m next to you, are you blind

**jush:** oh hi

**shangbye:** teehee xD

**lil_skeet:** Why do i have to sit next to Johnny he smuggled drugs onto the plane.

**dingdong:** janny i think u left ur magic pipe in my purse do u want it

**jeff97:** roll down the window and throw it out right now

**younghoe:** give it to me right now

**wendy23:** Sorry ma’am, I’m going to have to confiscate that

**younghoe:** please it helps me from shooting up places

**123456789ten:** my ass hurts ur knees r too bony i dont want to sit here anymore

**callmeT:** You didn’t have to sit there in the first place

**123456789ten:** i cant read now all of a sudden

**haechie^_^:** uncle where did u go

**mark:** im not telling you

**haechie^_^:** ha, ha dont worry i will find u

**jaemie^_^:** hes in the overhead compartment

**jush:** Target aquired

**haechie^_^:** Ready

**jaemie^_^:** Aim

**jush:** fire

**wendy23:** *to the parents* I’m sorry, can you please control your children? This isn’t a war-zone this is a Spirit Airline flight

**jush:** be gone thot

**wendy23:** Shut up I fucked your dad

**jush:** im so sorry

**wendy23:** Thank you, your condolences are very much appreciated

**123456789ten:** yuta aint shit get u a real man like taeyong

**callmeT:** Love you

**parksooyoung:** ALRIGHT EVERYONE, PLEASE SIT DOWN AND TAKE YOUR SEATS AND BE SEATED

**parksooyoung:** THE PLANE IS READY FOR DEPARTURE

**younghoe:** y are you yelling

**parksooyoung:** Sorry, I thought the kids were hard of hearing

**younghoe:** my lil skeet is perfectly fine

**pilot_soo:** Hello everyone,,,,, this is your pilot speaking,,,,, hopefully we make it out of this one alive,,,,

**lil_skeet:** Actually this situation isn’t very ideal so no i’m not fine.

**jeff97:** do you have any more space for luggage bc sichengs corns are falling out of his pockets

**thiccta:** open ur legs and bring my special box ill show u how to store it

**mark:** can i get off of this plane please it isnt worth it

**pilot_soo:** Our destination?,,,, Chicago,, now I know some of you wont be making it back with us,,, so God bless you all,,,, this is an ok to all the attendants that we are ready for takeoff,

**mark:** i swear to fucking god i will jump out the window

**haechie^_^:** plz its hot in here and i cant open the window i tried to kick it open

**tai1:** Do it for the vine

**bunny:** Lol I’m on instagram live I want to see him do it

**jush:** wow renjun look very good today

**dingdong:** my Baby :^)

**renjun00:** Thanks bro

**jaemie^_^:** Did some1 put something in my drink im feeling tired

**haechie^_^:** sorry that was for mark

**jush:** wow ok just curve me like that alright

**mark:** excuse me

**dingdong:** excuse me cuse my baby cuse me cuse me

**jeff97:** yes skeetie what do u need

**dingdong:** can u help me file my Texas

**jaemie^_^:** no auntie we’re going 2 chicago not texas

**mark:** im concerned

**callmeT:** Why

**mark:** ???? i almost got drugged ???

**callmeT:** Sounds like a personal problem

**bunny:** Mark why is your Sprite blue?

**mark:** uh thats a good question

**bunny:** And why did you drink half of it

**bunny:** Hopefully it causes nothing too serious

**bunny:** Maybe just an induced coma

**mark:** i hope i die

**bunny:** Lmao my followers are gonna love this

**bunny:** SM called it “funny shit bro lmao”

**tai1:** I hope we get Instagram famous

**123456789ten:** lol im watching it rn im giving u hearts

**haechie^_^:** i know ur my dad and everything but ur android sucks

**haechie^_^:** i can see myself on ur screen and i look like a glazed peanut

**shangbye:** u always look like that

**jaemie^_^:** a lovely peanut that deserves respect

**mark:** um debatable

**jaemie^_^:** shut up cashew

**wendy23:** Speaking of nuts-

**thiccta:** ;;;))

**wendy23:** -there is a selection of peanuts or peanuts for your in-flight meal, which would you like?

**123456789ten:** yuta i hope you win the lottery and die the next day

**callmeT:** Same 

**123456789ten:** wow love u

**callmeT:** The feeling is mutual

**jush:** i just got curved take ur gay shit somewhere else

**_the plane jushes ahead to Chicago, landing shortly_ **

**bunny:** Why does everything look so… sad?

**younghoe:** Welcum to my home

**123456789ten:** wow relatable

**lil_skeet:** It is very underwhelming.

**jaemie^_^:** jisung wouldn’t this be your fatherland? I’d pick a different father if I was you

**renjun00:** I can hear gunshots in the distance

**dingdong:** i thought it was fireworks very pretty 

**mark:** i hope i get shot

**tai1:** We all do

**jush:** wow this city is beautiful but not as beautiful as renjun

**thiccta:** fag

**renjun00:** I can’t tell if that’s a compliment because the city looks like a dump

**bunny:** Don’t be picky kid, take all the compliments you can get

**jush:** issa compliment

**younghoe** : dont disrespekt mah city like that

**jeff97:** AMERICA SKEET SKEET GANG BOONK GANG SHIT

**younghoe:** SKRRT 

**bunny:** Put me in a coffin

**tai1:** No I love you 

**123456789ten:** i need a bathroom lol it would be a shame if someone followed me in hahahaa

**wendy23:** Did you need an escort, ma’am?

**callmeT:** No he’s already got one 

**wendy23:** Wait that’s a man?

**wendy23:** Shit I thought that was Amber from f(x)

**callmeT:** Don’t insult him like that

**123456789ten:** shut up cuck lady im tryna get some dick

**younghoe:** kimchi diqq

**123456789ten:** like u have any room to talk you smell like newports and an abortion clinic

**younghoe:** Chicago Lyfe xD

**lil_skeet:** Please stop.

**dingdong:** a woman just told me to get off the plain i think its time to go

**parksooyoung:** YES EVERYONE, THIS IS THE END OF THE FLIGHT, AND THE END OF THE CHAPTER, PLEASE TAKE ALL BELONGINGS WITH YOU


	24. nct life chicago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dont blink u might miss it

**bunny:** Ok kids what would you like to see first?

**mark:** a doctor so i can get some assisted suicide

**callmeT:** I saw a gun range

**dingdong:** i want 2 go see the silver bean

**bunny:** Why did we come here?

**thiccta:** i dont feel safe i want to go home

**callmeT:** ok lets go back home

**haechie^_^:** ill drive us to the airport


	25. jaewin wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jessi, a priest, helps jeffree and dingdong get married
> 
> buy un2verse by jessi on itunes

**_in the bride’s dressing room_ **

**dingdong:** mom does this dress make my corn look fat

**tai1:** No you look amazing sweetie

**dingdong:** thanks i know

**dingdong:** where is my best man

**bunny:** You’re the bride, you don’t get one of those

**dingdong:** where is my best woman

**thiccta:** im right here im ur maid of honor

**dingdong:** wow u look gore Jess

**thiccta:** thanks it was hard to squeeze my thighs into this corset but i made it work

**thiccta:** anything for my favorite niece

**tai1:** Ok darling are you ready?

**bunny:** Yes

**dingdong:** no

**bunny:** Oh

**tai1:** I was talking to dad, sweetie

**dingdong:** oh ok because i have to make sure my florist is ready

**bunny:** What florist?

**dingdong:** chenle my child who throws my flowers

**shangbye:** im a FlowerGirl xD not a Florist

**tai1:** Haechan why are you drilling a hole into the wall?

**haechie^_^:** i havent been separated from mark for this long i need my fix

**jaemie^_^:** move over i want to see too

**saintjessi:** Ok everyone, we’re ready to start the ceremony, I, as a priest, have asked you to prepare your vows to be read, Sicheng do you have them?

**dingdong:** yes they are right here

**saintjessi:** That’s a corn husk with scratches in it

**dingdong:** yes

**dingdong:** they are my nuts i forget what to say

**123456789ten:** hi which one of u fuking leeches took my dress

**thiccta:** guilty

**123456789ten:** you better not be sniffing my clothes again

**_meanwhile in the groom’s dressing room_ **

**mark:** my suit is too big

**lil_skeet:** I think you got mine… my suit is cutting off circulation to my _ jush _ .

**jeff97:** i think i tucked all of my fat rolls into my pants how do i look

**renjun00:** Dad why are the wedding rings just two onion rings?

**jeff97:** as ive said, we spent all the money on a lifetime supply of corn so we stole these from the sonic across the street

**renjun00:** Is the lifetime supply of corn why the wedding is yellow and green themed?

**younghoe:** bruh i hate this suit it makes me look like an angry can of sprite

**lil_skeet:** This suit makes me look like a peacock.

**jush:** lmao u said cock

**jeff97:** who taught u that word

**jush:** haechan

**haechie^_^:** *through the wall* hey dont talk about me in there

**mark:** im calling the police get away from me dont think i forgot about what u did to me on the flight back from chicago

**younghoe:** what happened? i passed out after beating up wendy’s puthy

**lil_skeet:** I am disgusted.

**renjun00:** I’m intrigued, what’s a puthy?

**thiccta:** *through the wall* u know about the eel and the cave

**jush:** ur too young

**renjun00:** I’m older than you

**jush:** thats ok i like older men

**haechie^_^:** *still through the wall* same

**jush:** no u like family members u confederate

**saintjessi:** Ok guys, I just checked in with the bride’s room, they’re all ready to go, are you all ready?

**jeff97:** i think i just  _ squirted _

**jush:** thats not pee thats squirt

**renjun00:** It got on my shoes...

**jush:** can i lick them clean

**renjun00:** No thank u

**saintjessi:** Ok, places everyone, we’re going to start the ceremony soon

**_everyone takes their place as Winwin prepares to walk down the aisle_ **

**jeff97:** i just let out the hardest shart of 2017

**younghoe:** whats wrong bruh

**tai1:** Johnny get away from the snack bar

**younghoe:** i put bong juice in the punch xD

**bunny:** Wow look at our beautiful blonde haired daughter

**dingdong:** hello everyone thank u for coming to my wedding im going to start walking now

**shangbye:** mom these arent even flowers theyre corn cobs

**dingdong:** just throw them sweetie this is my moment

**renjun00:** Ow you just threw it at my stomach

**shangbye:** oops teehee xD 

**jaemie^_^:** Wow i’ve never seen a dress so beautiful

**mark:** someone tell haechan to stop undressing me with his eyes 

**tai1:** Stop complaining it’s my daughter’s special day

**bunny:** Our daughter

**bunny:** Our beautiful blonde haired daughter

**renjun00:** These onion rings are getting cold mom can we speed it up a bit

**dingdong:** ok just pick me up like in firetruck and ill go fast

**jeff97:** wow queen ur so beautiful

**dingdong:** thank u i know but im not a queen

**dingdong:** remember the coldplay song featuring rihanna called princess of chyna

**dingdong:** its about me

**jaemie^_^:** No I’m too young

**dingdong:** anyways i made it thank u

**jeff97:** why is ur dress made entirely out of corn husks

**dingdong:** our beautiful sons made it for me

**renjun00:** Only I did but okay

**shangbye:** breh where my creds at doe xD

**renjun00:** All you did was eat a doughnut next to me while I made it

**saintjessi:** Alright you may all be seated

**younghoe:** finally my legs were starting 2 hurt

**dingdong:** ok

**saintjessi:** Not you, this is your wedding

**saintjessi:** We are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of Mr. Jung and Ms. Dong, and to celebrate the release of my new album “Un2verse” available on iTunes

**saintjessi:** Mr. Jung and Ms. Dong, have you come here to enter into marriage freely and wholeheartedly?

**dingdong:** yes please

**jeff97:** ya skeet

**saintjessi:** Do you, Mr. Jung, take Ms. Dong, to be your wife? Do you promise to be faithful to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love her and to honor her all the days of your life and support my new album?

**jeff97:** i do

**saintjessi:** Do you, Ms. Dong, take Mr. Jung, to be your husband? Do you promise to be faithful to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and to honor him all the days of your life and forever feel like Gucci?

**dingdong:** if i say yes do i get a prize

**bunny:** Damn it Winwin we rehearsed this for hours, you’re supposed to say “I do”!

**dingdong:** i do

**saintjessi:** It has been told to me that the couple has agreed to exchange vows prior to their wedding, so I’ll let you start Mr. Jung

**jeff97:** Winwinnie, Sicheng, my love, u make my heart skeet faster than anything else in my life, and im so happy to be with u and our two kids, channel and red engine. Even tho i still dont know what ur saying half of the time, u still manage to make me the happiest man alive. i cant see myself ever being with anyone else. i would also b very grateful if u let me suck ya toes woah eye knee

**dingdong:** wow im touch

**tai1:** That’s the first time the fat American made me cry

**saintjessi:** And what would you like to say, Ms. Dong?

**dingdong:** jeff, jaehyun, my fatty, 包子, i dont know too many words to describe how i am feeling besides excited and a little constipated but i want u 2 know that im love u very very very much and i want to share the rest of my life with u and my 2 childs Cheb and Rufus. i couldnt think of any other man who i want to spend my life with except maybe johnny but ur ok too so i will gladly marry u Mwah!

**123456789ten:** that was so beautiful i almost came

**saintjessi:** Then, by the power vested in me by me, because I’m self made (aint nobody ever blessed me), I pronounce you two “i unnie ne unnie neon youngboy”

**younghoe:** exsqueeze me?

**jeff97:** exskeet me?

**shangbye:** McScuse me?

**jaemie^_^:** aca-scuse me?

**thiccta:** excrete on me?

**callmeT:** exercise me?

**haechie^_^:** examine mark sleeping?

**mark:** haechan peed on me?

**tai1:** Excuse me?

**dingdong:** excuse me cuse me baby cuse me cuse me

**saintjessi:** I pronounce you husband and wife you may kiss the bride

**dingdong:** kiss me fatty

**jeff97:** mwah

**bunny:** I can’t believe it; Winwinnie actually married the American

**tai1:** That’s right, pay me my $20

**bunny:** Fine

**123456789ten:** im crying taeyong hold me

**callmeT:** You’re already holding me

**123456789ten:** oh yeah i forgot

**shangbye:** mom u gotta throw the flowers now

**dingdong:** *whips bouquet straight at Jisung’s head*

**lil_skeet:** Thanks for the concussion.

**haechie^_^:** _minhyungie~_ when are we getting married

**mark:** absolutely not you abuse me

**haechie^_^:** u never said no

**mark:** its because i couldnt you had me tied up and in a potato sack

**haechie^_^:** it was just so i dont lose u :^)

**mark:** why are u so obsessed with me

**jaemie^_^:** why shouldn’t we be :)

**mark:** WE?

**jaemie^_^:** love u  _ hyung~ _ mwah

**bunny:** Ok children, it’s time to go to the reception, get in the van

**dingdong:** who is the reception for

**jeff97:** its for us, winwinnie

**dingdong:** aw i love u my fatsband

**jeff97:** i love u too skeety

**bunny:** Aw what a romantic way to end a perfect day


	26. nct goes to a mall

**younghoe:** i ran out of shirts to wear

**shangbye:** ive been wearing the same shirt since i was born

**jaemie^_^:** u werent born u were hatched

**shangbye:** dont correct me fiend

**callmeT:** Alrighty we can go to mall if you’d like

**123456789ten:** can i go too taeyong ripped my last thong

**callmeT:** You talk as if I’m not right next to you

**dingdong:** yes a family trip 2 the mall lets go

**haechie^_^:** ill drive

**_haechan drives to the mall_ **

**thiccta:** ok guys we finale made it

**haechie^_^:** where is mark

**bunny:** You left him on the highway

**bunny:** He can walk, he’ll be fine

**mark:** please help me

**haechie^_^:** do u want a can of sprite

**mark:** not again

**jaemie^_^:** dang

**dingdong:** can i go to the food cort

**callmeT:** Take my wallet but don’t buy anything too expensive

**dingdong:** ok is 4 crepe ok i have to feed my children and my fatsband

**jeff97:** i found a vape store

**younghoe:** put on your location so i can meet you

**jeff97:** i got u skeet

**tai1:** That’s the first time I’ve seen Johnny run

**dingdong:** lol feel like earth quake

**dingdong:** like the one that blew up yutas house

**thiccta:** yeah :^( then i had to move into ur tree 

**lil_skeet:** Oh my, a book store, I will be in here if anyone needs me.

**shangbye:** no one needs you doe

**shangbye:** jk ily bro

**lil_skeet:** Good to know that im loved.

**dingdong:** please b nice coleslaw u need to make more friends

**shangbye:** ur embarrassing me xD please stop

**dingdong:** aw its because i Care about u

**renjun00:** What about me

**dingdong:** u 2 radish mwah

**jush:** i found a spencers

**123456789ten:** send location

**jush:** k

**123456789ten:** wow taeyong come in here theres stuff youd like

**callmeT:** Location

**dingdong:** henny where  r u i have ur crepe

**123456789ten:** ok here u go

**jeff97:** im in hot topic

**tai1:** Emo bitch

**dingdong:** ok dent worry i will bring u the crepe

**thiccta:** r u buying a band shirt lmao fag

**jeff97:** no im buying yellow hair dye for taeil

**tai1:** I’ll throw it in the nonexistent fireplace at home

**mark:** hi i finally made it where is everyone

**bunny:** Trying to stay away from you

**callmeT:** Why did I just get a notification saying $4370 has been withdrawn from my account

**dingdong:** sorry the crepe was kind of ex Pensive

**callmeT:** Unbelievable

**callmeT:** Give me back my wallet

**shangbye:** teehee i have it now im buying candy cigerettes

**lil_skeet:** Can somebody tell Chenle to stop staring at me, I am trying to read.

**shangbye:** dont act like U dont like it xD

**lil_skeet:** You got me there.

**jaemie^_^:** hi mark i see u

**mark:** im literally on the toilet wtf

**jaemie^_^:** teehee lol you look good when ur scared

**mark:** im about to start screaming

**jaemie^_^:** the louder you scream the more its going to hurt

**mark:** ,,,,,,,where is haechan im concerned

**younghoe** : last time i saw him he was going to the toilet

**jaemie^_^:** did you really think that you were sitting on a toilet

**mark:** WHAT

**haechie^_^:** u can run but u cant hide

**mark:** bye im going to the food court

**jaemie^_^:** you cant go anywhere if the door is locked

**mark:** i can climb over the stall

**haechie^_^:** the bathroom door not the stall door silly

**mark:** ,,,,,,,,what do u want from me i just want some yeezys

**jaemie^_^:** *maniacal smile*

**_loud screaming comes from the bathroom_ **

**_meanwhile in the food court_ **

**thiccta:** this spaghetti is fucking terrible

**callmeT:** Love how I still don’t have my wallet

**123456789ten:** its ok i have mine

**callmeT:** How. You don’t have a job

**123456789ten:** i used to have a sidejob

**thiccta:** i used to have a handjob

**thiccta:** then wendy got a job as a flight attendant

**callmeT:** As what

**123456789ten:** i slobbed knobs

**callmeT:** Noted

**123456789ten:** theres a video out there somewhere ik jimmy carter reblogged it

**callmeT:** *suicidal sigh*

**jeff97:** the food court doesnt exist anymore i ate all of it

**tai1:** Disappointed but not surprised 

**dingdong:** i have to pee

**mark:** dont go in the bathroom

**younghoe:** Why is there mustard in the bathroom floor

mark: ive been exposed to many terrors today

**callmeT:** I think it’s time to leave

**123456789ten:** did u get the stuff

**callmeT:** I didn’t need anything but Johnny looked homeless and needed new clothes

**123456789ten:** bad boy

**tai1:** He always looks like that

**renjun00:** Jaemie what’s all over your hands?

**jaemie^_^:** i think its ranch dressing but the last 20 minutes were all a blur i dont remember 

**mark:** i think i need to be in a sensory deprivation tank after that

**haechie^_^:** im glad we got to spend some time together  _ uncle minhyung~ _

**mark:** dont talk to me ever again

**renjun00:** Jeno, tell me your honest opinion. Does this sun hat look good on me

**jush:** anything on you looks good

**jaemie^_^:** aw thats so sweet

**jaemie^_^:** mark why cant that be us :^(

**mark:** because u and haechan are creepy

**haechie^_^:** ok but 2 b fair it wasnt creepy for like the first 15 minutes

**mark:** yes it was you made me do jumpingj jacks on top of the sink and just stared

**bunny:** Changing the subject, who’s ready to go home and have a nice home cooked meal?

**jeff97:** yes im starving

**bunny:** Good

**younghoe:** not if ur making it

**bunny:** I know you’re my brother-in-law, but can you fuck off

**younghoe:** ok

**jush:** well i had a good time i bought renjun a hat

**renjun00:** Thank you <3

**jaemie^_^:** jisungie did u get anything from the bookstore

**lil_skeet:** I got 30 years taken off of my life from reading these messages.

**bunny:** Good

**tai1:** We know you weren’t going to live that long anyways

**bunny:** Ok everyone let’s go home

**mark:** can i sit far away from jaemin and haechan

**bunny:** Sorry there’s not enough space, Jaemin has to sit on your lap

**mark:** thats inappropriate

**shangbye:** ur mom is

**123456789ten:** fuck yeah he is ;)

**shangbye:** alright

**callmeT:** Don’t say shit like that in front of the kids

**123456789ten:** ok  _ daddy~ _

**callmeT:** ,


	27. backyard ramen

**younghoe:** hey sisters

**bunny:** Please be quiet

**younghoe:** this is why taeil doesn't love you

**bunny:** Listen I know my husband is straight but please don’t bring it up, he hasn’t told me yet but I just know

**bunny:** I just know

**tai1:** You knew?  

**bunny:** Honey, we  _ all _ knew

**dingdong:** onew

**bunny:** But it’s ok, I still love you

**tai1:** I love you too I’m sorry I didn't tell you sooner

**thiccta:** lmao get that gay shit out of here lets roast each other xD

**123456789ten:** deadass bitch are ur parents fucking related

**thiccta:** please stop thats a touchy subject for me

**thiccta:** when i found out that my aunt michelle was my mom i was S.H.O.C.K.E.D.

**mark:** ew incest

**tai1:** Don't you like have a relationship with your nephew

**haechie^_^:** lol keep it in the family am i right  _ minhyungie~ _

**mark:** absolutely not

**jaemie^_^:** :^(

**tai1:** Disgusting

**jeff97:** speaking of disgusting, stank dick whats good?

**dingdong:** speaking of discussing my lov is discussing for u  <3

**callmeT:** At least I’m not morbidly obese 

**123456789ten:** that was hot

**jeff97:** wow

**younghoe** : whomstvednt up

**bunny:** It’s 3 in the afternoon

**thiccta:** hi im awake

**123456789ten:** shut the fuck up u look like u committed a sexual offense on a panda

**thiccta:** ten why do u treat me like this i have been nothing but niece to you

**123456789ten:** U GOT ME PREGNANT THEN DIPPED

**thiccta:** ya i found out u had a DICK

**thiccta:** i like white WIMMIN

**123456789ten:** HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT IM ASIAN AND HAVE A DICK

**bunny:** To be fair, most of us couldn’t tell either

**thiccta:** sorry i have cataracts

**123456789ten:** im going to fucking kill you

**thiccta:** you guys are so fucking mean to me im going home

**tai1:** Did you move your cocoon closer to our window

**dingdong:** oh no my maid of honor why is she leaving she has to help me out with my wedding

**tai1** : The wedding was 6 days ago

**dingdong:** shes the maid she has to clean up

**tai1:** Sweetie,,,

**dingdong:** wat

**123456789ten:** yes please make him suffer

**haechie^_^:** guys wtf was that boom? it knocked down my  _ jush _

**mark:** i heard it too what was that

**jaemie^_^:** theres ramen noodles all over the backyard

**bunny:** There’s a big Japanese flag stuck to my window

**jush:** are we being shot up

**shangbye:** I hope :-)

**mark:** god i hope so

**thiccta:** this is what u all get  >:^(

**thiccta:** 4 being so rude 2 me

**123456789ten:** i hope you choke and die on that ramen

**bunny:** Hey dipshit you left a hole in my dining room wall

**jaemie^_^:** sorry i broke the wall so i can see marks room

**jush:** bro thats my room too wtf

**thiccta:** im buying a new tree so i can get away from you terrible Poppyseeds

**thiccta:** i meant 2 say people

**tai1:** Good

**bunny:** Where are you moving now that your cocoon exploded? You don’t have anything left

**tai1:** You’re definitely not staying in the house

**thiccta:** *japanese laughter* i have a NEW cocoon on the other side of house

**dingdong:** why is there a bag outside my window

**jeff97:** i think the fuck not !

**thiccta:** since Dahyun and Taeil dont like me im moving 2 get a new family

**dingdong:** ok great i love u mwah

**shangybye:** do u really love that creature?

**bunny:** You better stay away from my beautiful blonde haired daughter

**jaemie^_^:** you shldnt talk abt ur mom like that

**jaemie^_^:** auntie winwin is a very nice person

**shangbye:** not my mom silly xD i meant my dad

**jaemie^_^:** oh

**mark:** can i change rooms please jaemin and haechan ripped out my wall and now jeno is crying

**jush:** wheres renjun im uncomfortable

**shangbye** : he schleep xD

**bunny:** Y’know I think a little bit of change would be good for this family, I guess you can all change rooms if you want

**haechie^_^:** i know who i’m rooming with

**jaemie^_^:** me too kekekeke xD

**shangbye:** don't take my signature face xD 

**mark:** u best be rooming with jaemin and only jaemin and far away from me

**bunny:** Mark let’s not complain, times are tough and we have limited space

**mark:** im being abused

**tai1:** Stop whining 

**callmeT:** Ok I made a very organized chart of who will be roommates

**callmeT:** Doyoung and Taeil

**bunny:** Of course  <3

**tai1:** I love you baby

**callmeT:** Johnny and his stash

**younghoe:** chicago boiz only 

**callmeT:** Yuta is BANNED from the house

**thiccta:** thats fine fuck U i have a C.O.C.O.O.N.

**callmeT:** Jisung and Chenle

**shangbye:** teehee

**lil_skeet:** This is very ok.

**callmeT:** Renjun and Jeno

**jush:** ;)

**renjun00:** (:

**callmeT:** Ten and I <3

**123456789ten:** <3

**callmeT:** Jaehyun and Winwin

**dingdong:** big mwah

**jeff97:** luv u skeetie

**callmeT:** Jaemin, Haechan, aaaaaand Mark

**haechie^_^:** get ready 2 hide and freak xD

**mark:** thats it im killing myself

**jaemie^_^:** no not yet please wait  <3

**jaemie^_^:** its the end of the chapter ill tell u more later mark ;^)

**mark:** .


	28. universal studios

**shangbye:** i found some crusty universal studio passes in the remains of yutas cocoon xD~

**thiccta:** get out of my cocoon’s cemetary u grave robber

**thiccta:** let her rest in peace

**shangbye:** nah imma stay

**callmeT:** How many are there?

**shangbye** : i never learned how to count

**renjun00:** Um there's 15

**callmeT:** We should go then!

**jaemie^_^:** can i join u :^) 

**mark:** yes go with them leave me alone

**jaemie^_^:** ok ill give u and  _ uncle donghyuckie~ _ some space

**mark:** nvm come back

**jaemie^_^:** i thought you’d never ask mwah

**mark:** ….

**callmeT:** Everyone is going. No questions

**lil_skeet:** Hi guys.

**jush:** wassup SKEETER

**lil_skeet:** Nevermind goodbye.

**dingdong:** there are a lot of moskeeters at the park are u sure u want 2 go

**jeff97:** i want to go they have churros

**thiccta:** i tried to give u my churro back a few months ago but i guess u werent into them back then

**thiccta:** also i thought u were a chick so idk

**thiccta:** my cataracts

**jeff97:** absolutely not

**tai1:** Jaehyun looks like an ape not a woman

**jeff97:** ok cool you look like a cuck

**tai1:** Strony~

**bunny:** Let’s not talk about the past, son-in-law

**bunny:** Ugh saying that makes my  _ jush _ turn inside out

**jeff97:** this is why ur husband doesnt love u

**bunny:** Wow

**bunny:** I’m not going, the rest of you can go 

**tai1:** Uh you are going I’m not going to waste my day with these creeps

**bunny:** Ok I’ll go whatever you say  <3

**jush:** gay

**thiccta:** i fucked ur mom lol

**jush:** what a great dad

**thiccta:** mwah daisukimasu wasabi whatever ur name is lol  <3

**callmeT:** You fuck everyone 

**thiccta:** you’re still on my hit list, signeul bonae signal bonae 

**123456789ten:** um i think the fuck not !

**callmeT:** Signal declined 

**mark:** im actually excited i finally get some me time

**bunny:** Ok everyone! Get in the van, make sure you bring Mark this time

**123456789ten:** can i sit on taeyongs lap 

**bunny:** You already are; why do you need to ask permission

**123456789ten:** o ya i forgot

**_after driving all the way from Korea to Florida (somehow)_ **

**bunny:** Okay everyone! We made it!

**mark:** wow that was a Long Ass Ride™

**jush:** dam is that a Publix

**jush:** its almost as beautiful as renjun

**renjun00:** <33

**haechie^_^:** aw~

**jaemie^_^:** aw~

**younghoe:** aw

**thiccta:** skip the gay shit and let me out of the van guys

**lil_skeet:** It is very hot outside.

**shangbye:** then take off ur shirt xD

**lil_skeet:** Vulgar.

**shangbye:** I’m older so

**123456789ten:** What should we ride first

**callmeT:** Me, go to the bathroom

**123456789ten:** dam ok

**tai1:** I wish i couldn't read

**dingdong:** i wish i could

**bunny:** You can't always get what you want in life

**haechie^_^:** u can if u use my 3 step method

**tai1:** What are they

**jaemie^_^:** secret

**mark:** im concerned

**shangbye:** who asked

**renjun00:** Wow I’m not tall enough to ride the Hulk

**jush:** its ok do u want me to buy u something from the gift shop

**renjun00:** You have money?

**jush:** ya i found a wallet after it fell out of some elderly mans pocket

**renjun00:** Aw then yes

**tai1:** i love credit fraud

**tai1:** im a messy bitch who lives for drama

**callmeT:** Where is my wallet?

**jush:** is it brown with black pockets 

**callmeT:** Yes

**jush:** i don't know 

**lil_skeet:** Im lost.

**shangbye:** describe ur surroundings 

**lil_skeet:** Im by a Despicable Me store.

**thiccta:** send me ur location right now immediately

**lil_skeet:** I guess I can ok.

**younghoe:** i think i see yuta it looks like he's grinding on some mascot

**jeff97:** ya he naruto ran to a minion mascot and i think he is trying to fuck it

**younghoe:** idk for sure tho the vape is clouding my vision XD

**bunny:** Disappointed but not surprised 

**123456789ten:** this water ride sucked now im wet and disappointed it reminds me of when me and yuta made jeno and jaemin

**callmeT:** Send your location I’ll bring you some clothes

**123456789ten:** kk

**mark:** i bought a harry potter cloak does it look good

**haechie^_^:** i think u look good but u would look better without it ;)

**mark:** …...anyone else have an actual opinion on it im tryna flex on sum hoes

**tai1:** You look bad please remove it

**mark:** ur just mad cuz im a hufflepuff

**younghoe:** i huff and puff all the time xD

**lil_skeet:** There aren’t enough words in any language that can describe how disappointed I am in you right now.

**younghoe:** i’m trying to get better i stopped vaping as much 4 you

**younghoe:** i only smoke 7 blunts a day 

**lil_skeet:** SEVEN???

**younghoe:** its good right? 

**lil_skeet:** I’m going to pass out.

**shangbye:** WHY i'm coming to you right now

**shangbye:** i already shared your location with myself hehe

**lil_skeet:** Wow Chenle, thank you for caring.

**shangbye:** im sorry your dad is a flop

**lil_skeet:** Thank you. :^)

**dingdong:** jeff my skeetie where r u

**jeff97:** ur on my back rn love

**dingdong:** oh i 4got

**callmeT:** How do you forget- 

**jush:** hi i accidentally bought the entire clothes store using taeyongs wallet bc renjun looked good in every outfit they had

**callmeT:** You said you didn't have it?

**jush:** lol

**callmeT:** Every time we go out my credit card gets taken

**bunny:** sounds like a personal problem

**callmeT:** I’m the one who pays for your food 

**bunny:** ok and

**tai1:** Are you implying that my husband can't support himself?

**callmeT:** Yes,,

**123456789ten:** YES BABE DRAG HIM

**tai1:** Not sure if that was considered a drag but alright 

**younghoe:** can we go home im board

**mark:** im scared i havent seen haechan or jaemin in an hour this has never happened before

**tai1:** My god not everything is about you 

**haechie^_^:** dont b scared  _ uncle minhyung~ _

**jaemie^_^:** b terrified :^)

**mark:** can we go home now i dont feel safe

**callmeT:** Yes everyone be by the car in 10

**tai1:** You know Jaehyun can't run that fast

**dingdong:** its ok chyna fast i drag him

**tai1:** That's my baby :’)

**jeff97:** i have my heelys on im good

**bunny:** You absolute creep

**lil_skeet:** Well I actually had a wonderful time today.

**shangbye:** bc of me of course 

**lil_skeet:** You are correct :^) Thank you Chenle you’re really special to me.

**shangbye:** bro i love you 

**lil_skeet:** Wait, really?

**shangbye:** yes lmao

**tai1:** Okay we’re leaving 


	29. a nice date at home

**callmeT:** I think we should do something special, just you and I

**123456789ten:** wow does this mean u want me to top for once

**callmeT:** No... I was thinking maybe I cook dinner for you 

**123456789ten:** what about all of the other members wont they butt in

**callmeT:** Don't worry I’ll cook it pretty late so the children will be asleep

**123456789ten:** aww thank u ur so much better than flopamoto

**callmeT:** You deserve it <3

**123456789ten:** wow heart nut

**_5 hours later_ **

**callmeT:** Are you awake?

**shangbye:** lol who up xD

**callmeT:** Please go back to sleep I want to have a private night with Ten

**shangbye:** k ill go find jisung xD

**123456789ten:** ya im up everyone is asleep i think

**callmeT:** Come to the kitchen

**123456789ten:** ok dad

**callmeT:** Johnny why are you here at this hour

**younghoe:** its called being hungry

**123456789ten:** jaehyun why are you here too

**jeff97:** munchies lmao skrrt

**callmeT:** Both of you leave so we can be alone

**jeff97:** ok racist

**callmeT:** I Breathed

**jeff97:** ill just go eat my wifes corn

**callmeT:** Okay sit down at the table I prepared something special

**123456789ten:** ok teehee what it b

**tai1:** Where is the milk

**haechie^_^:** me and jaemie r using it 

**tai1:** When will you be done with it

**jaemie^_^:** idk depends on how long it takes for mark to wake up

**callmeT:** Can we at least have 10 minutes of alone time

**jaemie^_^:** lol k

**callmeT:** I made pad thai just the way you like it

**123456789ten:** holy shit thats so sweet i almost came?

**thiccta:** i used to make u pad thai but you've never said that b4

**123456789ten:** what was that? suddenly i cant read

**callmeT:** Probably the wind

**thiccta:** racist

**callmeT:** Does it take good ;)

**123456789ten:** yes im so proud of u love u mwah

**callmeT:** It’s not like I just microwaved it I made it all by myself teehee 

**123456789ten:** u could shit on it and id still call it a culinary masterpiece

**callmeT:** Love you

**123456789ten:** thank u for this :)

**mark:** is ten my dad 

**123456789ten:** classified information

**mark:** k

**haechie^_^:** _uncle minhyung~_ come back to our room

**mark:** absolutely the fuck not

**123456789ten:** bruh no offense but fuck off im trying to spend time w my mans

**mark:** this gc was made for everyone stop discriminating 

**jush:** u guys suck ur notifs woke renjun up

**renjun00:** It’s okay just sing that song that makes me sleep again

**callmeT:** Sigh 

**jush:** ok :)

**123456789ten:** ik it kinda got messed up but thank you tae that meant a lot to me

**callmeT:** Anything for you


	30. "ur dads a cuck. wait i am ur dad"

**callmeT:** I hope you had a good time last night

**123456789ten:** i did :) thank u i love u

**callmeT:** I love you too

**shangbye:** r you guys going to get married xD

**bunny:** Only under my good Christian roof

**123456789ten:** uhhhhhh,,,,,i dont know

**callmeT:** This is my house actually I bought it with my good money

**dingdong:** no its my house 

**lil_skeet:** Hi.

**shangbye:** hey what's up 

**callmeT:** No you only started living here 5 months ago 

**dingdong:** its my house now

**callmeT:** You don't even have a house key

**dingdong:** oh wait ur right darn i gess its not my house

**jush:** whats up cuckolds

**renjun00:** Hi Jeno

**jush:** hi renjun :)

**renjun00:** Are you going to come to the market with me today 

**jush:** fuck yEs i am

**tai1:** Pick up some milk whilst you're there 

**bunny:** Taeil what are we doing today?

**tai1** : I found two bikes in the garage yesterday, so do you want to use them

**bunny:** Like… in a sexual way? Idk what you mean

**thiccta:** wrist icicle ride dick bicycle xD

**jeff97:** i thought you were straight

**thiccta:** i am the bicycle

**tai1:** No, actually ride them like normal people

**callmeT:** So I’m not normal

**bunny:** ...Oh

**bunny:** Nah, let’s go downtown and watch homeless people

**lil_skeet:** I asked for a bike for Christmas but i got a lil tykes trycicle.

**shangbye:** i will get you one

**lil_skeet:** Thank you Chenle, you are very kind.

**younghoe:** not to me

**shangbye:** whos fault is that

**younghoe:** not mine????

**shangbye:** lawl i dont know where i was going with that

**tai1:** Doyoung come outside I’m waiting for you 

**bunny:** Ok can we go get coffee first

**jeff97:** im just tryna smash

**dingdong:** come 2 the garden i have 2 smash this corn 2 make tortillas

**jeff97:** anything 4 u ily skeetie

**lil_skeet:** What does it mean to “Smash”?

**shangbye:** xD u don’t want to know

**dingdong:** u take the big rock and u smack onto little corn

**jeff97:** lol thats how i made coleslaw and red engine

**renjun00:** Um

**jush:** dont offend my renjun like dat smh

**mark:** hey guys

**haechie^_^:** hi :^)

**mark:** ,,,,hi

**haechie^_^:** how r u <3

**mark:** im alright i guess

**haechie^_^:** do u want 2 go see a movie together

**mark:** i guess i could

**haechie^_^:** ill pay

**mark:** what movie doe

**haechie^_^:** the notebook

**mark:** i dont think thats my style of movie

**haechie^_^:** but ur my style

**haechie^_^:** pritty please

**mark:** fine

**renjun00:** Jeno and I ended up getting an xbox if that’s okay

**jush:** i got him 6 on accident

**callmeT:** Wow that’s actually far from okay but there’s nothing I can do anyways

**123456789ten:** its ok babe i can get my side job back if u want

**callmeT:** As a prostitute :(

**123456789ten:** no, as a professional toe sucker but i can do that too

**callmeT:** I think your other job is better

**bunny:** Help we’re lost and my phone died -Taeil

**bunny:** Also doyoung has a calculator as a phone so we can’t send our location -Taeil

**jush:** lol androids r for cucks

**thiccta:** ur dad is a cuck

**thiccta:** wait i am ur dad

**123456789ten:** deadass bitch are ur parents fucking related

**thiccta:** listen just because my mother is my aunt doesnt mean u can make fun of me

**123456789ten:** ok crimson chin

**callmeT:** Yes we can

**lil_skeet:** Dad, did you seriously use pages of my book to roll your weed.

**younghoe:** i will buy you more books

**shangbye:** no go to fucking rehab u cuck

**bunny:** Did you get to chapter 15

**bunny:** Harry Potter fucking DIES

**lil_skeet:** You are all so rude.

**shangbye:** even me xD

**lil_skeet:** No, you’re my good friend.

**shangbye:** im buying you 2 bikes now

**younghoe:** with what money

**shangbye:** urs of course

**callmeT:** Thank god

**jush:** i just bought renjun a car oops

**callmeT:** I take it back

**renjun00:** It’s really shiny

**jush:** he looked so happy in it i had to

**mark:** r u dating

**renjun00:** Mom says I’m not allowed to date

**dingdong:** thats right no dating until ur 30

**renjun00:** but Chenle can?

**lil_skeet:** Chenle is dating someone?

**shangbye:** u haven’t noticed? its u

**lil_skeet:** Woah.

**dingdong:** renjoon plz dont ask question i cant answer

**dingdong:** too many big korean words

**renjun00:** *in Chinese* why can Chenle date but I can’t?

**dingdong:** *in Chinese* Because you need a little bit more time to marinate and then I’ll let you date

**jush:** its ok we can date secretly cuz ur mom cant understand us

**renjun00:** :)

**thiccta:** get outta here w that commie shit

**jeff97:** hahahaha WOAH EYE KNEE <3

**haechie^_^:** mark be quiet the movie starting

**mark:** im not saying anything??

**mark:** what’s at the bottom of this popcorn bucket?

**haechie^_^:** that’s not popcorn

**haechie^_^:** thats jaemin

**mark:** im leaving

**jaemie^_^:** no this is the good part of the movie

**mark:** its still showing commercials 

**bunny:** Lol is it when they fucking DIE -Doyoung

**callmeT:** Shouldn’t you be finding your way home and not texting

**bunny:** Lol I hope you fucking DIE -Taeil

**mark:** i hope i die

**bunny:** So do we

**mark:** wow thanks

**bunny:** Let us in

**123456789ten:** i cant im busy slobbin on sum meat

**callmeT:** Sicheng open the door for your parents

**dingdong:** i have no key

**callmeT:** You’re already inside

**dingdong:** but i have no KEY

**callmeT:** What does that have to do with anything,,

**dingdong:** u need a key to open the door

**123456789ten:** just open the door

**dingdong:** got it

**123456789ten:** you opened the fridge…….

**dingdong:** u said open the Door so i did

**callmeT:** Be right back Ten

**bunny:** Did we interrupt something

**callmeT:** No

**bunny:** Your pants are inside out

**callmeT:** _ No _


	31. kool kids klub (KKK)

**jush:** whom the FUCK up

**shangbye:** its 3pm so i think everyone is

**jaemie^_^:** lol not mark me and haechan r watching him

**haechie^_^:** teehee

**shangbye:** uHhhhH lemme join xD

**jush:** real shit yall creeps

**lil_skeet:** I agree, this getting out of hand.

**haechie^_^:** _uncle minhyung~_ has nice hands

**renjun00:** Stop please

**jush:** yall heard the king now stop

**shangbye:** lol gay xD

**jaemie^_^:** arent u gay xD

**shangbye:** im not gay im chinese

**lil_skeet:** ???????

**shangbye:** its complicated

**mark:** hey guys

**shangbye:** hey teehee

**mark:** where r jaemin and haechan i just read that they were watching me and i cant find them im concerned


	32. nct dream goes camping in the deep wilderness

**jaemie^_^:** Why is this tent made out of plastic bags

**shangbye:** do you have a better idea

**jaemie^_^:** Sorry

**shangbye:** you better be

**haechie^_^:** im hangry will someone do the cook

**jaemie^_^:** I’ll help u sisters

**haechie^_^:** ok cool ill be back in a little bit

**jaemie^_^:** Renjun can u help me cook

**renjun00:** All you packed was charcoal and gasoline

**renjun00:** There is no food

**jaemie^_^:** um ur obviously not trying hard enough

**renjun00:** Weren't you in charge of packing 

**jaemie^_^:** no jeno told me he was packing

**jush:** packing ;)

**shangbye:** stop you have a micro penis 

**jush:** what have i ever done to you

**shangbye:** breathe

**lil_skeet:** Chenle. Thats rude.

**shangbye:** Yes, Master xD

**lil_skeet:** UhhhHhhHhHHhHHhHh

**shangbye:** teehee 

**jush:** you guys are nasty

**jaemie^_^:** ok i found some vegetables in the forest renjun will u cook them

**renjun00:** Those are rocks with moss on them 

**jaemie^_^:** i tried my best

**jush:** im hungry make me food 

**jaemie^_^:** here have one of these vegetables 

**jush:** i think the fuck not

**shangbye:** u better think of something quick its getting dark 

**jush:** fellas, is it gay to eat rocks? i mean, u eating somethin on rock solid sounds kinda spicy to me

**shangbye:** its only gay if you make it gay 

**jaemie^_^:** its only gay if you dont say no homo

**haechie^_^:** where is mark i found beans

**shangbye:** im hungry feed me

**haechie^_^:** do u want some beans

**shangbye:** after what happened to mark No

**lil_skeet:** What happened to Mark? I’m curious.

**shangbye:** do u really want to know xD master

**lil_skeet:** Yes.

**shangbye:** oof picture thanksgiving dinner but the turkey is still alive 

**lil_skeet:** Oof indeed.

**haechie^_^:** ok im worryied im going into the forest to find my second first love

**jush:** i thought ur love was jaehyun

**haechie^_^:** yeah my first love

**shangbye:** where art thou mark

**_30 minutes pass and there is still no dinner_ **

**jaemie^_^:** where is my sister im getting worried

**renjun00:** I'm going to go find food since no one else is willing too

**jush:** ill walk behund u ;)

**renjun00:** Why is your hand touching my butt

**jush:** sorry it was an accident

**renjun00:** It's still on my butt 

**jush:** lol u know how gravity is

**jaemie^_^:** i guess that just leaves me and u chenle

**lil_skeet:** What about me I’m right here.

**jaemie^_^:** sorry i thought u were a tree

**jaemie^_^:** all tall and stuff

**lil_skeet:** My hands are fucking huge.

**shangbye:** Calm down Master

**jaemie^_^:** lol u know what they say about guys with big hands

**jaemie^_^:** big gloves

**shangbye:** mickey mouse 

**lil_skeet:** Why do you call me master.

**shangbye:** oops

**shangbye:** where is my gege 

**jaemie^_^:** i hear screaming coming from the forest should we go look for our cisters

**shangbye:** in the dark? sounds pretty unsafe

**jaemie^_^:** shut up commie

**_Chenle, Jaemin, and Jisung proceed to go look for everyone else_ **

**jaemie^_^:** all the screams are coming from this hobbit hole

**lil_skeet:** I’m too big to fit in the hole

**jaemie^_^:** chenle ur a midget go look

**shangbye:** making me do all the work

**shangbye:** i can see mark, renjun, and jeno tied up in vines

**lil_skeet:** I smell beans.

**jaemie^_^:** is that a bear

**shangbye:** yeah its fat

**jaemie^_^:** wait no i think thats haechan

**haechie^_^:** cant u guys see im Busy here

**renjun00:** i m tryping wtih my foot p leasd help

**jaemie^_^:** why dont u use voice to text silly

**renjun00:** i dotn have taht enabled

**haechie^_^:** Renjon stop texting and eat ur beans

**jaemie^_^:** should we save them

**shangbye:** ye xD

**jaemie^_^:** ok ill save jeno and u save renjun

**shangbye:** wow renjun is skinny 

**jaemie^_^:** skinny queen renjun

**mark:** what about me 

**jaemie^_^:** ur fine u can walk home

**mark:** please no haechan scares me

**jaemie^_^:** haechan take off the bear costume

**haechie^_^:** this isnt a costume its my final form

**shangbye:** fucking inbred

**jaemie^_^:** ok guys lets go home im hungry

**haechie^_^:** we’re in the backyard

**jush:** i was just tryna peep some ass and i got knocked out

**shangbye:** creep

**callmeT:** Dinner is ready 

**mark:** i cant feel my legs

**bunny:** Guys come inside it’s cold outside


	33. tbh it looks like bigfoots dick

**thiccta:** dos anyone need anything 4m the grocery store

**callmeT:** I want to make a special home cooked meal for the family 

**dingdong:** can u make cookies 4 myself

**tai1:** Yes

**mark:** can i go with you i dont want to be near haechan 

**tai1:** No

**thiccta:** ok im going 2 the store now what do u need tayang

**shangbye:** lay

**callmeT:** I need rice cakes and hot pepper paste and soy sauce

**thiccta:** ok roger that i will be bac soon

**thiccta:** ok i am back 

**callmeT:** How did you..

**thiccta:** dont ask dont tell

**123456789ten:** can u make pad thai again it was good last time

**callmeT:** I’m making a Korean dinner tonight

**bunny:** Try not to blow up the kitchen again

**dingdong:** pls stop be so loud peppa pig is on

**jeff97:** u guys know sicheng cant sleep without watching peppa pig for at least 5 hours

**younghoe:** what is that burning smell

**123456789ten:** its prob yuta lighting his pubes on fire again

**tai1:** Disgusting

**thiccta:** dont hate it fast removal

**renjun00:** Seriously what is that smell?

**jush:** fr i was tryna make a move on renjun and then i inhaled straight ass

**callmeT:** Please help I think I burned the food

**thiccta:** all that money i spend for u and u burn it

**123456789ten:** all those kids we had and u leave them

**thiccta:** im japonese and ur thai how can we have 2 korean children

**123456789ten:** teehee

**callmeT:** You have money? Since when?

**thiccta:** i dint say it was my money

**callmeT:** Was it mine

**dingdong:** why is bank calling me i dont spend money

**tai1:** Since when do you have a credit card

**dingdong:** the lady in the tv told me 2 get one

**lil_skeet:** I like kard.

**shangbye:** same i will buy their album for you 

**lil_skeet:** Um. Love you.

**shangbye:** love you too xD

**jush:** GAY

**renjun00:** What are we then

**jush:** ur mom wont let me date u

**jeff97:** wait why wont u let them my dingdong

**dingdong:** renjun needs to be protect

**jeff97:** hes fine doe and we r letting chenle date jisung

**dingdong:** which one is chenle

**jeff97:** the one that looks like he has leukemia but we havent told him yet

**dingdong:** o ya he is going 2 die soon so i want him 2 be happy

**lil_skeet:** Excuse me, what the fuck.

**shangbye:** alright

**dingdong:** and we dont have enough money for Key mo therapy so i am going to put u in the microwave

**callmeT:** This is the first time I’m saying this but I will pay for it

**bunny:** No it’s fine let it happen

**tai1:** He’s our grandson 

**bunny:** I only claim the one 

**123456789ten:** ill pay i just need to get my sidejob back and make a few calls

**callmeT:** That won't be necessary 

**jush:** k can i b with renjun doe

**dingdong:** no

**jush:** ur being racist

**jeff97:** renjun u can date jeno if u want to

**shangbye:** I can't believe I have cancer xD

**jeff97:** lololol u just got PRANKED

**shangbye:** bitch what the fuck

**haechie^_^:** so about dinner when is it going 2 be finish bc i have 2 feed mark

**mark:** please help me

**callmeT:** It’s a little burnt but it’s downstairs on the table 

**haechie^_^:** cmon mark lets go

**mark:** i cant move you wrapped me up in fruit by the foot

**haechie^_^:** ya now u have many foots so u should b able to walk

**mark:** ,,,,,,no

**younghoe:** not to interrupt anything but the food is getting cold

**bunny:** Haechan why are you pulling Mark down the stairs in a wagon

**haechie^_^:** mark is temporarily disabled so i have to help him

**mark** : C09VJM;;;;,’;.’K

**haechie^_^:** sorry experiencing light turbulence as we go down stairs

**bunny:** Wait that doesn’t even look like a wagon

**bunny:** What is that?

**jaemie^_^:** teehee

**tai1:** This tastes like shit

**123456789ten:** baby ily but this tastes like a used diaper filled with indian food

**callmeT:** Is it really that bad

**thiccta:** i looked at it and thought it was spaghetty how did u mess it up so bad

**bunny:** Bro can you not see or something?

**thiccta:** sorry i was born with an astigmatism that had graduated to cataracts

**bunny:** But you don’t have cataracts anymore? What happened?

**thiccta:** my cousin debra prayed for me on the phone tuesday through wednesday for two weeks and one day i had woken up and i opened my eyes and i realized that my room had wallpaper

**thiccta:** but gradually my condition got worse so here i am

**bunny:** Interesting

**jeff97:** tbh it looks like bigfoots dick

**123456789ten:** nobody cares traffic cone

**younghoe** : i think it tastes good

**tai1:** You eat dirt for a living

**dingdong:** me too i like grandmas cooking it tastes like nutritious

**callmeT:** Thank you at least someone appreciates my cooking 

**123456789ten:** i appreciate ur cooking its just this was a mistake

**callmeT:** Love you babby

**haechie^_^:** mark i swear to god if u dont eat this food im going to give u the beans again

**mark:** anything but the beans please dont jaemin force fed them to me

**haechie^_^:** open up

**mark:** thats a fucking garden shovel

**jaemie^_^:** growing boys need to eat

**thiccta:** fuck it started raining my brand new cocoon is getting drench

**bunny:** Whoa I’m getting text updates I think a hurricane is hitting our home

**dingdong:** my peppa pig was interrupt to bring me a message that hurricane minho is hitting our house

**younghoe:** im just trying to enjoy dinner lol

**jush:** u guys r missing the point

**jush:** i can finally ask renjun out fr not a scam 100% real

**dingdong:** over my dead body

**jeff97:** what he means to say is yes

**dingdong:** thank u for translating i can always re Lie on you

**jeff97:** np skeet skeet

**thiccta:** not to introrupt but my cocoon is gone i hope u all enjoyed dinner

**jush:** NOT TO INTERRUPT BUT renjun i deadass love u b can i b with u

**renjun00:** Um yes please 

**dingdong:** u can date my beautiful blond haired daughter under one conditioner

**jush:** what is it

**dingdong:** no kids until u are able to vote

**bunny:** Isn’t child marriage illegal?

**renjun00:** We’re not getting married

**jush:** idk how a willy works dont worry i never got the instruction manual

**jush:** yes we r getting married

**renjun00:** Okay 

**haechie^_^** : McScuse me i think as ive waited the longest i should marry  _ uncle minhyung~  _ before anyone else gets married

**123456789ten:** what if i want to get married

**thiccta:** schedule an appointment i can help u with that

**123456789ten:** no fuck off i want taeyong

**thiccta:** no not u i got a new job as a wedding planner i can help u

**123456789ten:** i never got proposed to, u dumbass calm ur dagger dick

**callmeT:** You want to marry me?

**123456789ten:** i mean yeah you mean the world 2 me

**callmeT:** Wow the feeling is mutual

**123456789ten:** then marry me u cuck

**callmeT:** Yes

**bunny:** Cut the gay shit I’m trying to save my family from a hurricane here

**tai1:** Yeah save it for another chapter

**younghoe:** why are you buying water just go outside lmao

**jaemie^_^:** mark cant go outside he has to eat his beans

**mark:** *muffled screams from the dining room*

**tai1:** Love me some rope play

**bunny:** I know what we’re doing for our anniversary

**tai1:** Role*

**bunny:** Oh

**bunny:** I can still make it entertaining

**thiccta:** i remember the one time i accidentally rope play

**thiccta:** that flight ended in a sad handjob and a poleece escort off the plane

**lil_skeet:** What is a roleplay.

**younghoe:** a fun game adults play 

**123456789ten:** taeyong likes it when i roleplay as snow white and hes the hobbit

**tai1:** Keep that shit out of here we have children in this chat

**lil_skeet:** No, Its okay. I love learning.

**shangbye:** noted 

**123456789ten:** wake me up by whipping me u feel

**callmeT:** Yes 

**dingdong:** lemon detox

**shangbye:** i have fucking cancer

**jeff97:** bro what is “fucking cancer” that sounds dangerous

**lil_skeet:** Is that an STD.

**dingdong:** what is an STD is that new type of sauce

**jeff97:** idk ask ten I bet he has a lot

**dingdong:** ten auntie do they have STD at whole foods

**123456789ten:** excuse me


	34. dingdong's farm tour

**dingdong:** whats up everyone welcome  **_BACK_ ** to my garden

**dingdong:** im glad that u all could join with me today 

**dingdong:** its always nice 2 see u

**dingdong:** today we will be taking a tour through the vegetable corral

**dingdong:** let me have my assistance open the door for u rally quick

**dingdong:** hello can you open the door

**jeff97:** Anything for u skeetie

**dingdong:** thank u 

**dingdong:** hello MTV welcome to my crib

**dingdong:** on the left u can see my soybeans

**dingdong:** haechan always steal my soybean

**dingdong:** i dont know what him do with my beans

**mark:** u don't want to know

**dingdong:** sorry my studio audience not supposed to talk while im filming

**dingdong:** anyways

**dingdong:** over there u can see my lemon tree

**dingdong:** his name is Boris

**dingdong:** taeyog always take my lemon to make lemon detox

**callmeT:** I'm not sure what means

**dingdong:** i dont know what this means

**dingdong:** over in the other side of my garden all the way over there u can see the happy flowers

**dingdong:** i plant the flowers when jeffree buys me flower

**dingdong:** most of time they die

**dingdong:** the plastic ones are still alive

**dingdong:** also u can see my wonderful children playing in the garden

**dingdong:** theyre having a grate time

**dingdong:** i love my son

**shangbye:** I have cancer Dx

**dingdong:** thats ok i have a vegebattle for that

**shangbye:** i'm a carnivore no thanks

**dingdong:** sorry i cant speak spanish

**dingdong:** anyway on to the next section of our show

**dingdong:** “christian vegetables”

**dingdong:** ok in this part of my garden we have good christian vegetables

**dingdong:** after god sended me my children he gave me these veggietaeils

**dingdong:** i dont let anybody take them

**dingdong:** but sometime Ten likes to steal my corns

**dingdong:** i ask for them back politely but i never

**tai1:** Can you put your phone away it’s embarrassing  

**bunny:** Stop I’m taking videos of my daughter this is my moment

**dingdong:** yes this is my moment

**haechie^_^:** can we hurry this up i have to borrow some soybeans again

**dingdong:** ok sister i can hurry

**dingdong:** ok everyone thanks you for watching my show

**dingdong:** glad i could spend some time with u

**dingdong:** tune in next week for more of my garden

**dingdong:** we have run out of time for my show

**dingdong:** next up is the evening news with Johnny and Jeffree

**dingdong:** nct night night

**dingdong:** thank u good Night

**dingdong:** :^)


	35. halloweenie

**callmeT:** Since Halloween is a few days away I think it would be cute if we got costumes for the kids

**tai1:** Teehee I have something in mind

**shangbye:** mom i want a costume 

**dingdong:** 4 why

**shangbye:** halloween

**shangbye:** give me your wallet

**jeff97:** just take taeyongs

**callmeT:** Um

**dingdong:** explain me halloween

**callmeT:** You basically get candy from people for dressing up as something you’re not

**123456789ten:** i have a costume already

**dingdong:** can i play i like candy

**tai1:** Yes

**younghoe:** what bout me

**bunny:** Who are you again?

**lil_skeet:** You can choke and die.

**bunny:** ^

**younghoe:** this is why i dont text in this gc

**bunny:** How do you even text you don’t have a phone

**younghoe** : i have hacks

**dingdong:** no candy only corn  >:^(

**jeff97:** candy corn

**dingdong:** can every day be Hollow weenie

**renjun00:** I think I found a costume

**jush:** what is it bb ;)

**renjun00:** Come into the 4th changing room

**jush:** kk

**mark:** im getting a harry potter costume

**haechie^_^:** me too

**jaemie^_^:** me three

**mark:** why cant u 2 be original

**tai1:** You got me fucked up if you think I’m gonna pay for that

**haechie^_^:** daddy if u dont who will

**123456789ten:** i can pay i just need my side job back

**callmeT:** Just take my wallet again

**123456789ten:** tbh i miss my old job

**tai1:** Teehee

**thiccta:** ok i found a minion costume

**jeff97:** burn it

**callmeT:** No you pay for that yourself

**thiccta:** if i say pretty please with a japanese conquest of the pacific on top

**callmeT:** Wow that made me hate you even more

**jush:** me and renjun have couple costumes we win

**jaemie^_^:** where is ur shirt its just red pants and devil ears

**jush:** im hot does it matter

**tai1:** Let me take photos of you both

**jush:** why you creep

**tai1:** So I can put it on MySpace

**bunny:** Yeah we have a group chat with all of your uncles

**bunny:** Uncle Key would think you guys looked fabulous

**younghoe:** im not in it???

**bunny:** You weren’t invited

**lil_skeet:** Why are you still alive.

**bunny:** ^

**younghoe:** oof

**mark:** can someone help me put the scar on my forehead im dyslexic

**haechie^_^:** ok close ur eyes first

**mark:** i dont trust you

**haechie^_^:** im going 2 count to 3 and if ur eyes arent closed i swear

**mark:** u arent gonna do shit

**haechie^_^:** dont make me do it

**mark:** bet

**haechie^_^:** jaemie get my beans

**mark:** im ur elder u need to respect me

**haechie^_^:** jaemie where r u

**jaemie^_^:** i got the beans

**haechie^_^:** did u get the shovel

**jaemie^_^:** yes

**haechie^_^:** mark close ur eyes really quick

**mark:** no u brat

**haechie^_^:** shut up baby carrot dick

**mark:** ur like 12 u havent even seen a dick

**dingdong:** whom took my shovel

**jeff97:** im a cowboy lolol yeehaw skeet winwinnie save a horse ride a cowboy u feel ;)

**dingdong:** no

**jeff97:** y not

**dingdong:** 2 many big words

**jeff97:** im tryna smash

**bunny:** Sweetie did you pick out a costume?

**tai1:** Yes come in and see it

**bunny:** You look amazing

**bunny:** You look gorgeous

**bunny:** You look stunning

**tai1:** Love you 

**123456789ten:** hey u crusty foreskins i got my costume ;)

**callmeT:** Show

**callmeT:** I am dressed up as a doctor

**123456789ten:** do you like it im a sexy lion tamer do u like my whip

**callmeT:** Give me some whiplash right about now

**123456789ten:** okay  _ doctor lee~ _

**bunny:** Do you hear that screaming what is that?

**tai1:** The wind just ignore it

**bunny:** It sounds like a lame Canadian but I can’t exactly tell what it is

**shangbye:** mom turn around

**dingdong:** sorry mom cant come to the phone right now

**shangbye:** why

**dingdong:** because she is in final form now she is Dong the Farmer

**shangbye:** ok im gonna scare someone else

**jush:** fellas, is it gay to be sicheng? i mean ur name is dong sounds pretty spicy to me

**renjun00:** My dad is gay

**thiccta:** lol which one FAG

**renjun00:** Um both? That’s why they’re together

**thiccta:** ok mr logic

**jush:** shut the fuck up dad dont ever talk to my renjun again u fucking beaner

**thiccta:** im not ur dad and u are not my son u are a mistake

**jush:** ...oh

**thiccta:** i only like my beautiful brown haired daughter

**jaemie^_^:** thank u dad

**renjun00:** Your relationship status is a joke

**thiccta:** ten why do u look so hot its like the day we first met

**123456789ten:** U met me when i was at my old job cuck boy 

**thiccta:** ur still as mean as u were back then

**123456789ten:** i was just tryna slob knobs and get money theres no time for feelings

**callmeT:** Is that all I am to you

**123456789ten:** no taeyongie i love you that was the past you are the world to me

**callmeT:** Love you too baby

**thiccta:** terrible

**thiccta:** why cant u be more like Wendy

**123456789ten:** why cant u stop looking at my ASS im TAKEN

**thiccta:** sorry lil mama that ass 2 fat

**123456789ten:** i know but ur an asshole

**bunny:** Is anyone else still looking for costumes or are we all ready to go scare some infants?

**lil_skeet:** Im toad from mario

**shangbye:** wow u look so cute

**lil_skeet:** You look adorable too but you are also kind of scary.

**shangbye:** i will take that as a compliment 

**jush:** EVERYONE STFU AND LOOK AT RENJUN

**tai1:** Lol I would take photos if I wouldn’t be called a creep

**jush:** ur sweaty and wearing a skirt u creep

**tai1:** It’s who I am

**dingdong:** renjoon ur outfit is 2 provocative please christian it up

**jush:** hes literally dressed as an angel tf u mean im satan rn and ur mad at renjun

**dingdong:** i can see his ankles

**jush:** ikr its hot

**dingdong:** be gone satan

**jush:** nah imma stay

**dingdong:** please

**jeff97:** YEEHAW DINGDONG LOOK AT ME IM A COWBOY SKE E T

**mark:** hello

**dingdong:** hi uncle how r u 

**haechie^_^:** well i dont think he can use his legs at the moment

**mark:** haechan can we make a truce can u stop abusing me

**haechie^_^:** i guess so why didnt u just ask earlier

**mark:** u taped my mouth shut and put me in a tub of baked beans

**haechie^_^:** whats ur point

**mark:** stop being obsessed with me

**haechie^_^:** we’ll see

**mark:** no why dont u treat jeff like this u love him too why is it only me

**haechie^_^:** jeffree is married to my sister

**haechie^_^:** maybe ill stop if u marry someone

**haechie^_^:** like me

**mark:** ........deal

**haechie^_^:** wow i didnt think that would actually work i just got my jush

**mark:** ONLY IF you stop being creepy

**haechie^_^:** ok uncle-husband

**mark:** i dont like that either stop it

**tai1:** We need to buy candy as well 

**jaemie^_^:** i thought people buy it for you

**tai1:** That’s true

**tai1:** Nvm no one put up decorations and keep the lights off on Halloween

**jaemie^_^:** guys we look so good lets go

**dingdong:** ok yee haw i am ready to cream some corn

**jeff97:** can u cream on my corn

**dingdong:** no there are childs around

**tai1:** Shut the fuck up Jaehyun

**dingdong:** mom plz dont be mean to jeffree 2day its his day

**jeff97:** ive never done anything wrong bruh i gave u two beautiful grandkids

**_Halloween Afternoon_ **

**renjun00:** Can we trick or treat now?

**haechie^_^:** hide and freak :^)

**shangbye:** stop

**tai1:** Yes you can go now

**jush:** thank u i want to feel the cold wind on my tits

**tai1:** I hope you know that I don't like you at all

**younghoe:** wat bout me

**_tai1 has left the conversation_ **

**bunny:** Look at what you've done fat ass

**younghoe:** i breathed

**bunny:** What’s your point

**lil_skeet:** Stop breathing then.

**younghoe:** yall are racist

**dingdong:** im not racist i love races

**dingdong:** horses yeehaw

**dingdong:** peppa pig is my favorite horse

**jeff97:** we have peppa pig dates where we drink fireball out of peppa pig teacups

**younghoe:** r u british or some shit

**jeff97:** no im american xD

**shangbye:** mom i'm lost

**dingdong:** ok where is my son

**lil_skeet:** I think he grabbed my butt then ran away.

**shangbye:** it was a social experiment bro

**thiccta:** thats what i said when i hooked up with ten

**thiccta:** now i have 2 pay child support for 2 kids

**thiccta:** i only like 1 of them

**jush:** is it me

**thiccta:** no

**123456789ten:** u fucking wiener u said u loved me

**thiccta:** yeah and then i found out you were a DUDE

**thiccta:** and ASIAN

**123456789ten:** im gonna beat ur ass with this whip

**callmeT:** God I wish that was me

**thiccta:** i dont want 2 b with u i like white WIMMIN

**thiccta:** like WENDY

**123456789ten:** ill shove these louboutin heels straight into your dick hole

**thiccta:** no do u remember last time

**thiccta:** we got kicked out of CVS

**123456789ten:** thats bc u stole an ear of corn for me to work with

**jaemie^_^:** where do i put my candy my jush is full

**jush:** eat it dumbass

**dingdong:** save the candy Corn for me i am going 2 make a salad

**younghoe:** i got weed candy from this dude down the street who want some xD

**lil_skeet:** Don’t you mean edibles?

**younghoe:** no its legitness

**haechie^_^:** can u share i want 2 give it for a friend

**mark:** no

**haechie^_^:** u caught me red handed

**mark:** what did we just talk about you need to learn how to behave

**haechie^_^:** it wasnt 4 u i have other friends

**mark:** we both know thats a lie

**haechie^_^:** ur cute when ur angry

**mark:** _oh_

**mark:** uh thanks

**haechie^_^:** *smiles in Korean*

**thiccta:** GAY

**_renjun00 added tai1 back to the conversation_ **

**thiccta:** even GAYER

**shangbye:** kys fat

**mark:** wow that was the first time i could talk to haechan without him being a creep

**renjun00:** Jeno and I are lost in a pretty sketchy neighborhood 

**renjun00:** People are sitting in the streets offering us what looks like pills

**jush:** its ok come closer to me ill protect u bbg

**dingdong:** its getting dark im scared Jeffree please save myself

**jeff97:** hi i lost both of our sons

**dingdong:** plz find Renjun my favorite son

**shangbye:** what about wo

**dingdong:** u have legs u can Walk home

**dingdong:** i want 2 make sure Renjun can make home safely

**shangbye:** i’m your true Chyna son renjun is fake

**dingdong:** plz be nice 2 ur brother

**jush:** did u just call my cinnamon apple fake

**shangbye:** yes what are you going to do about it you creep

**jush:** have u ever heard of a cleveland steamer

**shangbye:** what is that 

**bunny:** Jeno shut your mouth

**jush:** k how bout a rusty trombone

**_bunny has removed jush from the conversation_ **

**thiccta:** thank god

**lil_skeet:** Can you add him back he is spamming me about how much he misses Renjun.

**tai1:** Add it

**_jaemie^_^ has added jush to the conversation_ **

**jush:** YOU CUCKS I COULDNT TALK TO RENJUN FOR A SOLID 45 SECONDS THATS illegal

**renjun00:** You’re standing next to me

**jush:** teehee

**dingdong:** wait nobody ever explaimed me what is a cleveland steamer is that a bsket ball team

**jeff97:** would u like to find out later

**tai1:** Stop you fat fuck

**jeff97:** im not fat im american

**tai1:** Same thing

**renjun00:** Someone pick us up 

**123456789ten:** hi bitches im back

**dingdong:** hi where did u go auntie

**callmeT:** I missed you 

**123456789ten:** wym i was slobbin on ur meat this whole time

**callmeT:** I have amnesia 

**jaemie^_^:** where are haechan and Mark ?? im worried

**mark:** we are trick or treating???? why

**jaemie^_^:** i miss u :((

**mark:** well i mean u could have come with us

**haechie^_^:** _mark~_ r we done my jush is full of candy

**bunny:** Ok I’m coming to get you all where art thou?

**jush:** dont get me im having a good time with the love of my LIFE

**renjun00:** No please pick us up a man has been following us for 5 minutes

**thiccta:** it me : >

**123456789ten:** stop being a fucking creep

**thiccta:** im just making sure they stay safe

**bunny:** Can I abort someone while they’re an adult

**mark:** can it be me

**tai1:** Yes

**bunny:** Ok where are you little shits I’m running out of gas

**renjun00:** Do you see a person in a devil costume lying on the ground 

**jush:** it me

**bunny:** No all I see is three bad Harry Potter impersonators

**mark:** wow i worked really hard on mine u dick

**haechie^_^:** _wow_

**jaemie^_^:** my mom told me not to get into cars with strangers i cant go with u

**mark:** imma walk home fuck you 

**dingdong:** can u guys bring Renjun with u i dont want him walk alone

**jush:** ive been walking with him this whole time

**dingdong:** ok dont get into truble

**jush:** when have i ever put your son in danger

**dingdong:** ur dressed as SATAN

**jush:** ur point is???

**dingdong:** please dont be mean 2 me i dont speak enough korean

**jeff97:** i speak american

**tai1:** No one asked 

**lil_skeet:** Chenle and I are lost.

**shangbye:** teehee xD

**jaemie^_^:** lol who up

shangbye: hey queen

**jaemie^_^:** hi cousin how r u

**thiccta:** jaemie :^) plz stay away from that creep

**123456789ten:** since when do u care about our kids

**jush:** why dont you care about me

**thiccta:** ur GAY

**shangbye:** so r 

**thiccta:** im not gay im JAPANESE

**younghoe:** same thing

**mark:** ok im done my bag is too heavy its full of candy

**tai1:** You’re walking home btw

**mark:** im legit 3 towns away

**tai1:** Sigh only because I have to

**jush:** tbh im home with renjun

**renjun00:** I made hot cocoa for us 

**jush:** ur so cute

**shangbye:** i found a razor blade in my candy bag

**lil_skeet:** Please throw it away I don’t want you getting hurt.

**shangbye:** do it for the vine xD


	36. a 3way gone right

**123456789ten:** tf u want straight boy

**thiccta:** i wan2 let u know that i still love u 

**thiccta:** and i miss u

**thiccta:** hhhhnnnnnnnh

**123456789ten:** thats gay

**thiccta:** i still have feelings for u

**thiccta:** can we have just 1 night 2 gether

**123456789ten:** u never had feelings u just wanted my cheeks

**thiccta:** that was a feeling

**123456789ten:** no u just hit it and quit it then left me for WENDY

**thiccta:** can i make ur ting go skrrra pa pa pa one more time

**123456789ten:** ur ting is small

**thiccta:** come on 

**thiccta:** think of our kid

**thiccta:** shouldnt we together for our one beautiful kid

**123456789ten:** we have two kids you cuck

**thiccta:** i dont like the one

**thiccta:** hes mean

**thiccta:** i only like Jaemie

**123456789ten:** wow racist

**123456789ten:** but even when u met me u just wanted ass u didnt love me

**thiccta:** ya but i wanted YOUR ass

**123456789ten:** am i supposed to be flattered

**thiccta:** yes please

**thiccta:** will u marry me

**123456789ten:** y r u asking me that when a whole taeyong exists

**thiccta:** thats not the answer i was looking 4

**123456789ten:** um u left me for WENDY why r u crawling back

**thiccta:** because i miss u

**thiccta:** hhhhnnhhhnhhhhhhhh

**123456789ten:** maybe if u werent such an ASS ud have a chance but ive moved on

**thiccta:** i want u to be the doyoung to my taeil

**123456789ten:** yuta this isnt like last time in Jacksonville im not taking u back this time

**thiccta:** what if i pay u

**123456789ten:** how much

**thiccta:** 12

**123456789ten:** 12 what

**thiccta:** isnt 12 enough

**123456789ten:** 12 thousand???? 12 hundred?????

**thiccta:** 12 dollars

**thiccta:** i am low on money

**123456789ten:** u threw hundreds at me when i was working the pole boy bye u can do better

**thiccta:** i want u to be the bill to my gates

**123456789ten:** this is flattering but its gonna take more than that to impress me

**thiccta:** if i give u a minion bobblehead

**123456789ten:** im dating taeyong

**thiccta:** he can share

**123456789ten:** hm

**123456789ten:** i will inquire

**123456789ten has added callmeT to the conversation**

**callmeT:** Hello what is this

**123456789ten:** what is ur opinion on 3 way relationships

**123456789ten:** im asking for a friend

**thiccta:** noted

**callmeT:** I think they’re hot

**callmeT:** More opportunities for whiplash

**123456789ten:** would u want 2 be in one

**123456789ten:** yuta wants to be in a relationship so he can see our TWO children more

**thiccta:** thats a lie but ill just stay quiet

**callmeT:** Hmmmmm I’ll have to think about it

**123456789ten:** he gave me 12 dollars and a cum stained minion bobblehead

**callmeT:** I guess so

**123456789ten:** k cool how r we gonna tell the others

**thiccta:** we could post a coming out video on youtube

**callmeT:** absolutely not

**callmeT:** We can do it during thanksgiving because everyone will be a positive mood and we can be subtle about it

**123456789ten:** ur so smart its hot


End file.
